Shravan RN's

Asking Questions To Self

2012-01-26T23:42:00.000+05:30

Digital Social Hibernation. The way I found to heal myself and bring me back to life every time I face problems. It’s nothing great. It’s just withdrawing to my own shell and finding some time for myself, check the past happenings, rewinding them in slow motion and analyzing my actions, and things which I could have done better or avoided. It doesn’t make any changes in what has happened. But it definitely changes how things would happen the next time.

Forget about that. I have been thinking about the reason why I hibernated from my blog. Why I put it into such a state of ignorance and pain. There were days when I used to write about anything and everything in here, truly making the name stand for it. The graveyard of my own thoughts. As time went on, I started asking questions to myself, I started arguing with myself. I wanted perfection, I wanted to improve, and for once, I thought, to improve is to withdraw from posting personal comments on blog, and that’s what I did. I stopped cribbing about my life. The daily happenings, and the best moments of my life. I just started to live the way many do... i almost gave up and forgot the sole purpose of this blog. But why? I wanted to write more. And what did I do? I gave up writing. I completely stopped it just because I did not want to make my blog sound personal any more. But then, did I succeed in what I wanted to do? Write? NO. I just lost it like never before. I totally blew it.

I have always believed and said that the only thing one can write, speak and make example is one’s own life. That is the only thing he can speak with authority, and what did I do? I totally ignored my life and went searching for some other answers. I wanted perfection, I wanted change, and I wanted growth. Growth as in, I wanted to write better… and I never got better. I have always wanted answers, knowing the answers were the first priority for me. It wasn’t the same a couple of years ago. I never bothered about anything. I had my life, its problems, and I was content enough. And now, it’s time I realize, it’s not about the answers, it’s about the questions, and the questions which I and you do not have answers. It’s not about perfection, it’s about the effort. It’s about the commitment you have with yourself.

I have been defending myself saying I am going through a block stage where I can’t think of writing anything. I can no longer do that. I never ran out of things to write, I just stopped doing it. I never had a block, I created a block. I never ran out of words, I just stopped using them. And right now, I do not know how do I get out this self-put restrictions and conditions. I have totally lost it all. I think it’s time I take a fresh start. Start all over. Re learn and Re do.

Hurt

2012-01-05T15:56:00.000+05:30

As I walk out of your life
knowing that i can never own
and i will owe it all to you
for breaking your heart and
never, trying to mend it again.
For toying with your emotions
like a kid with his doll
For giving you time, hope, and
painting your dreams in rainbow shades
and then leaving you to be
on your own for ling

The hurt you would feel now,
is much lesser than the hurt,
I could give you later

Take my heart and walk
gift me that smile of yours
and i would cherish it forever
and forever is till i die

The Year That Just Went By

2011-12-29T18:23:00.000+05:30

ALRIGHT. I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE 3 GUEST POSTS BY @NethraAnj, @Mischief_Monger and @FakeMallu here. thats what i had thought initially. but well, its been quite some time i gave this place any due attention. honestly, i wasnt living a life worth happening. its been filled with routine things, routine people, and nothing much. leaving all that part, its time i do the customary, year ending blog update. yep a summary of the year that went by..

2011 hasnt been a happening year for me except for some personal problems, say relationship crisis. but, i have become so stabilized about my emotions that i do not break down anymore. i have lost that feeling so low and down about such incidents in life. its not that they dont hurt me, it does. but they doesnt break me down any more.

2010 and 2009 two years which helped me change, in a lot of ways. the way i see, think, feel, decide, everything had changed during that period. ever since that, i have quite managed to be stable and independent, emotionally. i have gotten rid of the dependencies on people, and their time, and i have kissed quite a no. of people good bye from my life. not because i wanted to, but they made their choices, and i made mine too.

2011. it just passed by me calmly most of the times. the year started on a low note with not much of happenings, and the NY Night being celebrated in the hostel room. and then exams followed, holidays happened. came back to bangalore. i guess meeting @a_sawan and @_VinayR @NethraAnj happened this year. have i lost my memories, i dont know. i guess it happened this year.
now you understand how much of this year i have lived. i have been totally ignorant.

i have found a good no. of friends this year in college. unlike my UG days where i hardly had friends, here, i am happy i have a handful, and the best thing is, they have taken me as i am. i shout, i fight, i use swear words, i show middle finger, i abuse, they understand. and they help and it felt good when someone said, till i met you, i have always believed blood is thicker that water, but you made me realize that water can be as thick as blood, and i am happy, i have been able to stay by that someone, when ever they needed, and when ever i can.

about my blog, it has been kept ignored and left out most of the times, the only time i got updates was when i was going through relationship crisis. october to december, its been good. my relationship status has gone from in a relationship through its complicated to under breakup process. i do not regret or feel sorry and sad for this, but this is the best of what could happen. and it hasnt broken me apart a bit. not even a minute point, rather i made me stronger and practical..

some plans didnt work out this year. i wanted to buy a camera so badly. but that didnt happen. its not that i click good photos, but i wanted to experience and learn it, because i love it.

other than all these, my life, is pretty simple, and heading straight. nothing great. i have grown one year old, a lot wiser, and still learning from my life, and making sure i still have a long way to go.

the coming year, i would want to do a couple of things.

giving this place a lot more attention, one thing i want to do, but i think that wont happen. i some how have lost all the inspirations and do not find any inspiration to write on. also, i have stopped complaining about life and its happenings, thus making me go topic less to write. i have lost it totally. but yes, i wouldnt quit. i will hopefully be searching for another source of inspiration, and come back over here again.

i have been listening to people say that i operate as a closed system these days. i hope that it has come to me with the emotional stablity i have gained, i no more believe in forever and promises, and i have been acting pretty judgemental in life. i have been living my life, but i have been calculating also. every choice i made this year, was thought and made. no free calls were made, and i have started taking and accepting responsibilities.

the coming year, i would want to function as an open system, give people chances, give the newer ones in my life their chance and my time. i have had a past with people. but that doesnt mean every one are the same. its time, i accept it, and let people be with me, give them time and attention and start socializing again. i have been acting so closed and happy with the handful i have, but i realize at the same time, others, do deserve a chance.

mid 2012 is gonna be very crucial for me. and i hope i am gonna be ready for facing life. 2012, lets roll. i am waiting. :)

WISHING EVERYONE WHO READS THIS PEICE OF WRITING A HAPPY AND HAPPENING 2012.

LIFE MAY NOT BE PERFECT, BUT IT IS WORTH LIVING. LETS SAY CHEERS TO LIFE AND SPREAD HAPPINESS.

The Whys & Whats Of My Blog

2011-11-26T16:16:00.000+05:30

4 years. thats how long i have been here. 2007 december 8. the very first update was made here, the name of the blog wasnt this, it didnt look like this also. from there i have come a long way, met many people, and i have changed to. so have this blog.

i never wrote to please people. why blog then ? because i wanted some space. where i can talk, where i can scribble and what not. i love poetry. call me no pro in it. all i do is to write from my life. my life is my topic, thats the only thing i can write with authority.. my life is all i have, and thats what lives in here to.

i wanted space and i had it here. then it took forms. when i wanted to grab attention, i got it from here, and this place did help me in lot many ways. the way i am, this place defines it. how much did my life teach me? a lot. what all have i gone through ? experiences. what have i gained? knowledge. what have it done to me, made be better. how do i feel about it ? happy. what did i realize from here, i am on my on and so are everyone else. their own.

why the blog? because i wanted space.
who are my audience? why physical existance
who write here? my alter ego
what does he write about ? my life and its moments
what is my favourite topic ? life. it amazes me and him
what difference has blogging done to me ? nothing much. i love being here.
will i ever quit blogging ? never.
am i bothered about readers comments and everything else of blogging ? no.
why so ? because this is my space to come and kill my thoughts, if someone reads, and appreciates, i will be happy. if someone relates,i will again be happy. if someone criticizes, i will learn. if someone ignores i will ignore.
what is this blog all about ? my life again.
what do i write? lines called poems from my life, moments of my life.
what the title "graveyard"? because its here that i kill all my thoughts.

what changes have this blog gone through ? it used to be a clean ade of my lifes happenings once. i then realized the need for keeping things to myself and have taken away being so personal over here. yet, everything i write relates directly to my life, it leads to my life.

what do i give people ? trust. i trust people.
what if they break it? they wont ever stay again in my life.

what do i love? everything about life
what have i learned? to live and never to complain. to not get attached to anything. to act matured.
what do i still do ? complain.
why ? because its still human nature.

what do i plan next ? blog.shravanraghunath.com
why ? because i still need space.
when ? i do not know.

Happy Being Sad

2011-11-15T20:48:00.002+05:30

He would wait for her to pass by him,
A nod of head, his gesture would be
And a heartwarming smile, hers.
Or he would walk down all the way
And stand by the tree, to catch a view,
His heart, skipping a beat, every time.
Things were more unsaid between them.
No letters were even exchanged.
Yet she managed to read his heart.
How much ever did he fake to prove stiff,
She unfolded the tender side in him.
She knew him, and all his inferiorities.
Nothing did she say, except that
I’ll be around when you’re down.
If having you by my side is
What I get for being sad,
I would forever be sad, and
Happy having you around me..
He whispered in her ears and
hand in hand, they walked forever.

The Visitor

2011-11-10T23:29:00.001+05:30

An eternal wait for your arrival
The wait for you to take me then,
You kept on visiting me, and,
You brought no fruits, no sweets.
Every time I asked you to carry me,
With you, and make me yours,
You said, it’s not time yet,
And then you would leave,
Only to come back and smile at me again.
You stood by me in my pain,
You lend me your shoulders, yet
Your face, unseen and unknown.
And one sound night,
In my hour of bliss,
You came and called me out.

Sealed by your lips
I sweat to death
And your face so pale,
Grew bright with my blood,
And I saw you, for once, and all
Mortality, thy name.

The Way Thoughts Go

2011-10-29T10:59:00.000+05:30

may be i will have to go back to those days
where u didnt exist, where i didnt know you
may be i will have to fake a sleep, covering,
my head in the pillow that bears your smell
may be i will have to wet my lips myself,
thinking of the days that went by.
the sweetness of you lingers though
may be i will have to stay prepared to say NO
in vein, when you will walk out saying
i wont ever be back. wont ever.

A Life Of Maybe's

2011-10-27T21:12:00.002+05:30

May be things are meant to be like this... breaking your heart and yet living your life... May be you’ve more lessons to learn and life could be the best teacher to have. It doesn’t teach you through explanations, but instead through experiences. May be you’re on your own all the way, all alone, all along, all alone... May be you’re to stumble and fall, may be you’re to rise and fly high may be all the sufferings you live through are for a better good, you’re to reach some heights. May be you’ve better things in store. May be you’re to die the next moment. You never know what life has in store for you. Never complain, live and let live, to the full of it. May be its full of surprises, just like that you die one day, and then all it ends.

Letting Her Go

2011-10-13T22:55:00.003+05:30

Tears pouring down her eyes

Silently she wept in the dark

The pain in her heart

Let known to none but him

She smiled and spoke to people

Joy, her face had, in the light

Hidden behind the fake smiles,

She wept even in the light.

Nobody noticed; they said-

She is warm; lively

And with every word she heard

She cried even more.

In the hour of the dark

She removed her mask

He stood, watching her, in tears

He hugged her, no words did he utter.

A sea of silence echoed in between

She has to leave, and forever.

He has no questions to ask

For he knew, what even a pause meant

She wept on his shoulders

Drawn on his chest, in blood

The symbol of her love.

He kissed her away.

In her bridal attire she stood

He at far, eyes wet

Wished her luck and mourned deep

In her eyes, he read the pain

In her face, he saw the smile

The best gift, to her parents she gave

Sacrificing all her dream, all joy

And her happiness, her life.

At the price their smile

She left him forever

He understood, the deep pain in her

For, no other can ever do it, better.

Love

2011-10-12T17:43:00.002+05:30

Dear love
burnt is the corpse
the soul remains.

eteral you're
though the body decays.

Where Words Wont Be Enough

2011-10-11T11:30:00.001+05:30

No words do I have to tell you

Burning deep my skin, tears that you shed

Words, that left unsaid, and unheard

Nothing do I have to tell you now

I know, you won’t ever listen even if, I have

To shout, or to yell at you. You’ve decided

Moving away from me, is your option

And to live without you, in pain.

To disguise as happy and calm

To weep and never to let you know

Life sure is, good indeed,
Except for all the pretensions.

Split Screen Sadness

2011-10-09T21:23:00.000+05:30

He woke up to emptiness. His days will never be the same again. The vacuum started to surround him. Slowly, he started to choke and suffocate. He wanted to cry, he couldn’t. he want to rise and run away, he couldn’t. he wanted to escape. He failed. Bound by the memories, he lived, his life.

Title Credits : Shomoita Alam

He Kissed Her Away

2011-10-08T23:05:00.000+05:30

all he wanted to do was gaze deep into her eyes and read all that she wanted to hide. all he wanted was to know how much she loved him, and all he saw was a drop of tear, and that was the answer for all his questions. he knew everything. he kissed her away.

Questions that he doesn't have Answers

2011-10-07T21:23:00.000+05:30

She asked him a thousand questions.
He didn't have any answers.
She looked deep into his eyes.
All she could see was undying love for her.
They spoke, in the sound silence between them.
Finally she asked him, you understand me, na?
And he answered, in his broken voice
Who else will EVER baby ?

His Life

2011-10-05T21:20:00.002+05:30

she couldnt stop the tears rolling down her eyes.
he couldnt find a way also.
She hugged him tight for one last time, he was lost.
finally he whispered in her ears,
every single drop of tear that falls down from your eyes will take away one day from my life.
she cried even more.

Pain

2011-09-01T12:43:00.000+05:30

In your eyes wet
of pain and agony
tears like rain
yet burning my skin, deep,
leaving a mark of your cry
words unsaid and despair looks
piercing my heart, breaking,
me, like never before.

Her Life

2011-08-14T00:05:00.000+05:30

mild and meek her voice
deep and emotionless her eyes
slow steps, head down, eyes wet
she walks down the road.
her attire torn, hands bleeding
people shout, in pity, and she
moves alone, along, in silence
tears rolling down her cheeks
she walked, towards her destiny,
her cries, unheard, questions, unanswered.
and there, they,fun ride of their life
taking away, her life from her,
men, no beasts, you call them.

why did i quit?

2011-08-04T21:32:00.000+05:30

yes, why did i quit.. i have been asking this question to myself quite a lot of times and have been giving the same answer "block" forever.. the same answer to who so ever asked me to.. yes, a handful of people did bother to ask me why i stopped coming over here and writing down my thoughts.

to be frank, it was never the block. no, it wasnt. it was because all of a sudden it started to feel for me like, i dont really write anything thats worth sharing.. it felt like, what ever i scribbled down didnt make any sense, and every time i read back what i have written, i felt like is this the level i write? come on kid, is that all? a fifth grade student can pen down better than you..

very well, now that its gone, i thought from another angle, rather i listened to someone worth listening, who said me, it doesnt matter how you write, when what you write is true, and what you write is what you mean to write..it doesnt matter how u feel after writing, its the one who reads what ever you write, got the right to comment, to rate, and if there is something good about your writing, thats the simplicity you bring, and the words you prefer.. i was like omg, when did you get into my blog for this long and read it all? and then the answer was, not everyone can bring feelings to life, and you kind of do that.. you just dont have to worry about the way you write, you just kick yourself and start penning again..

very well to say, i am here.

Trying the Untried

2011-07-19T23:10:00.000+05:30

it has been long time.. long time since i penned down some thing here.. what happened? nothing.. i just left on one fine day.. i stopped writing, then i gave up reading too, i got in to my personal life for a longer time and then messed it up all.. and then i wanted to pen down my thoughts again, just like the other days, and then, all the words went missing..

it wasnt the same when i came in for the first time, it wasnt the same when i stayed, and it wasnt the same when i left, and it isnt the same now also.. a lot many have left this place, a lot many of who i read and who read me, who i could connect with, and then a lot many new, who i havent seen or read has come here, and some have changed their homes.. i guess, its time i figure out it all again.. its time i search and find my words and try and give them life, one more time..

today, i do not promise that i would write here again, but i promise that i would atleast try and write something.. and all the promises are to my alter self.. the one who wants to write still..

Love

2011-04-12T00:32:00.001+05:30

from the far, as my eyes catch a view of her,
the heart skips a beat or two, and then
she passes by, ignorance, in her walk,
breaking apart the tender heart of mine

Death

2011-03-23T22:37:00.000+05:30

in your eyes, i could read the desire
that can never be satisfied
yet we try, and we try till we fail
embracing us, then is, death.

Smiling So Fake

2011-03-10T22:23:00.000+05:30

as the sun sets behind the horizon
my mind goes back to the age of nine
my world was made of books, papers and love
people were goodm and all merry

As i recline to my bed post
and think, of those days, when
walking in the rain was fun
getting a candy from dad was bliss.

As tears roll down my eyes, i realize,
gone are the days of joy
what i have now, is a world
so fake, bogus and pathetic

Living for the sake of it
detached from the emotions
a smile so fake brightens up
the darker side of life.

My Life

2011-03-08T22:15:00.000+05:30

clouds in the breeze is my life
a wanderer, i, in the world of lost,
in search of eternal love, i sail,
through the endless sky
struck with the lightning bolt
like the rain, i come down
failing to find the love of my life
i quit, i fall, i die.

She

2011-03-07T22:11:00.001+05:30

as she unmasks,

fallen is the fake smile,

revealing the true face

the bitch who was once a slut.

Timeline

2011-03-06T11:26:00.000+05:30

In your eyes, wet, that fail to reflect,
in the sound silence, echoing between us
i feel, the pain of parting..
Who? You or me? I wonder
and so lately, i realize
moving ahead is time, always
of you and of i, and here,
we stay, talking of what happened,
when the next, just happened.
Moments, silly they seem,
counted together, you never know
what you lost, what you gained too
life, it goes on, on and on
and here, i lay, in my grave
and you, i know not.

Some Good Family Time

2011-02-05T21:27:00.000+05:30

when you are away and when you terribly miss mom made food, all you can do is to pray that your holy fucking exams to get over and i could just do that.. my last paper was on 25th jan and all i wanted to do was to give the blue book back and run home.. wow.. it felt good.. getting in the bus and reaching home the next morning..

and when the day you reach home is a public holiday, the joy doubles..all your relatives at home and all your favorite food, talking to everyone.. making mom cook what ever you like it felt great.

the climate here at kannur, has become unbearable. its killing hot, nope, burning hot, baking hot to be precise.. well, i had to visit all relatives and the first 3 days, it went awesome.. commuting around 200-250 kms in 2 days, with out any rest, i sure did take something out of me.

but then, i have restricted myself to be at home, and when your parents are working and when you have an school going brother, being at home makes no big difference.. but again, feeding on what you like all day long, doing nothing, feels great..

but very well, i wanted to be home form 29rd jan to 5th feb.. festival at the temple here.. its the grand one, and you would want to miss the fests, the celebrations and some dabba food and ofcourse the girls, pretty girls, dressed in all good clothes, a visual treat..

playing with your little cousins is fun, and well, my little cousin has made some new friends this time, all she wants now is to take my mob and dial all numbers..

it feels good when your family treats you as an adult, when they ask you when decisions are to be made.. this time around, yes, i did feel good and better, i have become a lot of a family child than i ever was, and i seem to have developed a serious view towards my life.

there is these two people who have given up all their joys to keep their little ones happy, and provide them with all comforts. i realize it now. and well, i am glad and happy to have blessed with all these comforts, and would do all what it takes to hold the family close, for ever.

സ്വപ്നങ്ങള്‍

2011-02-05T00:01:00.000+05:30

എന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്‍ ആര്‍ത്തനാദങ്ങളുണ്ടായിരുന്നു...
ദീനരോദനങ്ങളും നിലവിളികളുമുണ്ടായിരുന്നു...
എന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്‍ തലയൊട്ടികള്‍ ഒഴുകിനടക്കാറുണ്ടായിരുന്നു...
പക്ഷേ, അവയ്ക്ക്‌ എന്റെ മുഖഛായയുണ്ടെന്ന്‌ അറിഞ്ഞതിന്ന്‌...
എന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്‍ രക്തക്കറയുണ്ടായിരുന്നു,
മരണതിന്റെ രൂക്ഷഗന്ധവും...
പക്ഷേ, അറിഞ്ഞില്ല ഞാന്‍ അന്ന്‌, ആ ഗന്ധം,
എന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങള്‍ എരിഞ്ഞടങ്ങുന്നതിന്റേതാനെന്ന്‌

an old post, dated june 2009.. found it missing here.. from another deleted blog :)

Life

2011-02-03T23:58:00.000+05:30

Enough.
Get out of here. You are no more my son..
Daddy..
Please daddy.. don’t leave me alone ..
Daddy its cold, its dark..
Daddy, am afraid..
Get lost you thief..
Don’t ever come back to my house.. you aren’t my blood..
Daddy...
A minute later,

There he lay, a metal piece breaking apart his heart.

All he did was to take one bread from the table when his drunkard dad was away.

What I Lost and What I Gained, In A Day

2011-01-10T20:18:00.002+05:30

Things I missed to attend the blogger meet there.. starting from a good Sunday morning sleep to valuable hours of exam preparation. Well I didn’t miss what I usually miss, break fast.. yes I woke up early jus to have a half cooked “masala dosa” as my mess people say, which will have raw potato, half cleaned, and then well I missed the grand lunch of so called vegetable biriyani, which again, ofcourse as they say, and I missed the nights dinner also.. much important of all these, I missed some study time.. yes, my university exams started today and the first paper sucked big time as I expected. So I missed the combined study time where we would sit and curse the new HOD.. how arrogant and boasting she is, till hours.. hours worth attending, I missed to gain what?

To listen to @Leonnyes coin a new term #indiwait which ofcourse we will be using it all the times waiting for the #indibus, but again, no complaints, we understand.. commuting through a thick traffic isn’t easy.. well I waited for an hour and damn I hear @vineethrajan say green bus which he meant was blue mazda.. my mistake actually and well I reached the venue, not to miss a couple of calls from @a_sawan well I heardly know the places around Bangalore, so I kept on reading the road side signs, as simple as that.. well again to mention the #locationupdate tag, which dint even stream, and glad that @kamroxz found it good :D thank to the slow moving @indistream displayed @indiblogger s web site..

Reaching the venue, I caught up with @leonnyes and then @connect2dil and @leonnyes introduced me to two of his buddies @rmajumdar and @mizarcle and then I met tousif, whose twitter handle I ofcourse forgot.. not to miss out @flyfiddlesticks @pranxter @msigeek..

Now what I really experienced @ ISCKON #indiblr meet is a different day.. starting with the introduction of #akshayapatra foundation and what I does, it really touched.. well, I am not writing more about #akshyapatra in this post, till is all silly, but the experience was good, so was the lunch, a different one.. and I missed @kaveerr and @teachmetech.. didn’t get to meet them.. so with @desibond who tweet the location, fourth row, I started counting and I counted on and on, well I am never good with numbers..

And then the return trip, that was the best time! Had enough fun talking to everyone and then it took enough of my time.. got down at forum along with @anuragnilesh, @dipa_c and @raghavasatish and then, well, they had to “sacrifice” their wish to have north indian food for my wish to stick to southiee, basically for my health issues.. and the dinner was even better.. a heavy dinner, unlike the rest of my days and then reached back to my room at 10.30.. well I still had my exam preparations pending

Reaching room, I was all tired and slept off in new time, yes I dint get into twitter added some handles to favourite to follow, and lied to @leonnyes that I was going to study, and well I slept off.. I lied

And today, the exam, sucked big time. Worth performing bad, when compared to the day I had yesterday… yes I missed something, but I earned a lot, a day, worth remembering..

PS : if my indirank goes down, its all coz of @vineetrajan, just because I didn’t live tweet anything good about him.

*- if I have missed mentioning anyone else who I met there, please forgive the ignorance and add your name in comments.

Hurt

2011-01-07T10:05:00.001+05:30

burns deep down my skin

tears from your eyes

words said by me

in a moment of rage.

Tomorrow Awaits

2011-01-04T13:47:00.002+05:30

Find time to wish and hope,
Find time to pray to your lord
When through doubts and darkness
You blindly move, or otherwise even.

Pray, till you heal.

The heart, then shall be,
No more heavy, and the hurt,
You, no more feel.

Believe, that you can mend,
Dream, all your troubles-
Come to and end, know
There definitely is future.

Look forward, to a new tomorrow,
And then, life is never hopeless,
However great your pain, your sorrow,
Life, still has its meaning.

Thank god, for the promise-
Of the new day breaking,
That you see through the window,
Though you heart aches and soul bleeds.

And Thus 2010 Ends

2010-12-24T07:50:00.001+05:30

2010 was relatively a good year when compared to 07,08,09. speak of the changes happened in my life ! i graduated, i got the first job call, i rejected the job call, got into MBA, am being with my girl whenever she is wanting me, i kept my parents happy, i kept my promises, i dint let anyone walk out of my life, infact some came back and gifted me with smiles. i met new people, made new friends, found a new dimension of life, learned the value of relationships.. wow.. a hell lot of good things. bad things and 2010? relatively less when i think now.. going back the memory lane might show me some, but the feeling i am having right now is covering up for all that. 2010, was definitely good ! it was better.. ingoned some people, as i was forced to do so, and thats it.. but i really wish i had written more of poetic tries here, if i have tried atleast. i miss that spark these days. i miss being shravan here on the graveyard

adios 2010. thank you for everything you have gifted me with, thank you for all the lessons you have thought me and in the end, thank you for making me a better me :-)

1.What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
I shifted my location, made new friends, turned into a better me, kept in touch with those who mattered, attended weddings, socialized more, had fun, lived well !

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t keep. And yes, I will probably take this time too, but its special, its gonna be with someone special

3. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
Probably in my hostel room, with buddies, or roaming around the streets of Bangalore, partying !

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope, and happy about it

5. What countries did you visit?
I haven’t even finished travelling in India !

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Creativity and Imagination, a lot of that ! a lot lot lot of that

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Aug 30th 2010 ! I switched locations

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating from college with a percentage that I wanted ! Shifting my location to a place that I wanted

9. What was your biggest failure?
Made one decision at a wrong time, but its all made up now

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
oh yes, a hell lot of them, like always. I am prone to them. I even had to limb to college for a couple of weeks

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Greeting Cards for Mom and Dad on their anniversary

12. Where did most of your money go?
Coffee Bars and Travelling, ofcourse Dating 

13. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Beegees- words

14. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Travelling and roaming around with buddies. Seriously.. I just love doing that, but opportunities, not many, or may be, am not seeing them 

15. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wasting time ! I guess, I don’t have to explain that !

16. What was your favourite TV program?
no TV 

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes I do. Just 3 people !

18. What was the best book you read?
nope no no never.. I dint read anything ! 

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
the music you listen to, defines your mood, rather, they alter your mood

20. What was your favorite film of this year?
there is a list that can come as an answer, but Guzarish ! well people say me that it was flop but still I liked the movie, and I had reasons too !

21. What did you do on your birthday?
I don’t remember I guess

22. What kept you sane?
Desire to live and to win, to reach to my dreams and goals ! Love

23. Who did you miss?
Nothing much, but I wish if some people dint ignore me, leading me to take up the same decisions

24. Who was the best new person you met?
Persons actually, SwatKats, Ritz and Miss P and “the Model”

25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Life is not what you dream of, its what you make, your life, you live it at your will, and well, when you try not to hurt the rest, you end up not hurting yourself too  life is all fair and good, its worth living.

Wishing All My Readers A Happy And Prosperous New Year. May You Be Blessed That All Your Dreams Come True, May You Spread Joy!

നിന്നോർമയിൽ

2010-11-25T19:38:00.001+05:30

അറിഞ്ഞിരുന്നില്ല ഞാൻ നീ യാത്ര പറഞ്ഞു പോവുമ്പോൾ
ഇനി നീ വരില്ലെന്ന്, നിന്റെ പുഞ്ചിരി കാണില്ലെന്ന്..
അറിഞ്ഞിരുന്നില്ല, നിന്റെ ക്ഷമാപണം ഇതിനായിരുന്നെന്ന്..
എന്നെത്തനിച്ചാക്കി അകലുമ്പോൾ ഹൃദയം തേങ്ങുന്നത് നീ അറിയുന്നുവോ?

അറിഞ്ഞിരുന്നില്ല ഞാൻ നിന്റെ കണ്ണുകൾ നനഞ്ഞതെന്തിനെന്ന്..
ഇതിനായിരുന്നൊ നീ കവിത ചൊല്ലിയത്?
വേർപിരിയുവാൻ മാത്രമായി ഒന്നിച്ചു കൂടി നാം
എന്നു കളിയായി പറഞ്ഞത്?
അറിയുന്നുണ്ടൊ നീ? എന്റെ മനസ്സ് തേങ്ങുന്നത്?
നിന്നോടു കൂടുവാൻ കേഴുന്നത്?

Romancing with Life

2010-11-20T21:50:00.004+05:30

i wish if the world comes to pause,
everytime i see you smile
i soo wish if that remains there,
forever, brightening up my life,
and everything else moves so fast,
just you and me, our beautiful world !

Sweating to Death

2010-11-19T22:13:00.001+05:30

Of unknown worries I cry

Wake up, seeing creatures of night

Dark around me, clouds dance

And skeletons sing, song of love

Black and blue, shades on road

From the land of dreams you come

And my mind, so turbulent

Tint of fear, rattle my heart

Waking up, I see the white

Of a new beginning, but damn!

Where did I lose my soul

In the dark? In the blue? Or

In your undying passion for me?

Sealed by your lips, I sweat to death.

Building the Groups

2010-11-18T21:28:00.001+05:30

Having said that i moved to bangalore two and a half months back, well i have been extremely passive here, and the reason being availability of network connection, let me go back to the initial days at bangalore

yes, new atmosphere, new friends, new people, new life style and a whole new me.. it was like that.. well yes, building te friends group was the first thing to do and having a room mate who hails from your own place who was your classmate in UG is definitely an advantage.. so Me and R are here ! ofcourse i came to te garden city with two purposes in mind, my PG and then S. and meeting S was the 2nd thing i did here ! and omg... it felt awesome meeting her after a long long long break..

so with R and Me, MS and SK came to the group.. and then it was GGs turn to call me the selfish wrong attitude kind, well i do agree that i have the so called attitude thing, but selfishness, dear having given myself the first priority in life, that too after a series of mistakes, i discard that comment, knowing your priorities and being selfish are two entirely different issues. but well GG made it easy for all of us to gel and get along so along with GG same IF and LPT and HJ ! and then that was it

SRN, RA, MS, SK, GG, HJ, LPT and IF.. first week at college and wow we have a gang ! and then came the bloody thing ! i hate taking up responsibilities, but when put on my head, i dont mind taking that freedom granted.. there you go SRN and GG are officially the class leads for the class and with two lazy people like us, well you cant just imagine the way that class is managed !

talking about academics, omg.. am learning 7 new subjects and man accouting stuff is driving me crazy.. how invented all these principles and stuffs?

well its time i get back and concentrate on "Project One"
so later

:-)

Deep Gazing

2010-09-15T20:00:00.001+05:30

As i go deep, gazing into your eyes,

forgetting where i am, the real existance

i wonder, how life could change

in dreams, and in real, far apart.

perfect, and in all merry, life goes on

and as i wake up, i crumble

i cry and i run in fear,

of the unknown, in search of shelter

and then i fall into sleep

and forever i sleep

in no fear and life, all merry

deep into your eyes i gaze

forgetting even to breathe, i crumble, i fall !

And A New World

2010-09-03T17:07:00.001+05:30

so finally i have moved out of town as i wanted to do, and i have reached where i wanted at this moment of time. i am at bangalore and thats the place where the girl for me stays, hopefully, everything ends up well for me n her.. oh yes, i am committed at this young age of 21+ and i am loving it to the core.. met her twice and now that count will go up and up

Life hasnt changed much relocating here, new friends, new people and new environment, and i am so totally loving this.. i have always worried about how i am gonna survive when i leave home, leaving behind my choice of food and times.. but well, am glad about that too.. hostel mess, as of now, is yeah, pretty good, that i expected it to be..

what more to say? i no more have access to fb and twitter and the good old orkut here, damn the college lab admins have banned it all.. i hope to get my lappie babe to me soon, and yes, i have hot pursuit shield in it.. it will run i guess.. so thats all the updates as of now

its coffee time at hostel mess
signing off and running away to the lift

with lots of love, shravan, the outsider :)

Relocating

2010-08-27T20:05:00.002+05:30

there years ago, exactly three years and 2 months ago, they broke his heart and put him an "asylum" and ordered him, thats where you are to stay for the coming 3 years. he had almost broken their heart and killed all their hopes by then and all they wanted was to see him close and near and not to get lost in life's track.

hell, he called his life then and began to live his life at his virtual home, and virtual family, and there he gave words, life and they live.. they often called him as the one blessed to touch hearts with words and cursed to break them with words.. and he never changed.. soon he settled with what he had and brought his life back on trackly.. slowly and steadily life came revealing infront of him in its full and he fell in love with it.

that is when his way with words got lost.. with life treating him in the right way, he had nothing to worry about, all he had to do was enjoy and stay calm and take note of life's little surprises, and he lost his way with words that he failed to jot them down at his virtual home.. at the place where he virtually exists..

now that every good thing comes to an end, so is with his life. the new phrase of his life is to begin soon.. to the place he wanted to migrate 3 years back, he is being relocated, and last time he wanted to go with his full heart, and this time, he is leaving his heart and soul behind, and relocating his physical body to the new location, though he wants to carry his heart and soul with him..

a much wanted change and relocation he calls it, a life changing relocation he calls it, and hopes it be like that.. and with that, his worries and tensions and all are back, and thus, he hopes to be a frequent visitor at his virtual home again, and to get his words back and give them life !

now that its one post i put in some efforts, summing up saying, am gonna be at bangalore soon, doing my MBA there at The Oxford College of Engineering-TOCE, Bommanahalli - Bangalore.

Prayers

2010-08-05T18:31:00.003+05:30

take me up to thy abode

there is no better time than this

all i could feel now is, bliss !

there is no better time to die

than be happy and calm

the purpose of my life

no more can i see or feel

take me up to thy abode

bless me, with eternal peace.

It Was Never The Same

2010-07-22T13:20:00.002+05:30

it wasnt the same ever.. like Et said last time, breaks, i take them and return back.. those breaks were just breaks, but now this feels read bad.. real worse.. its not like i dont have anything to pen down, its like you dont feel like penning your thoughts down.. total laziness.. its like you have the gun pointed at your enemy nearing you but you are lazy to pull the trigger. man whats happening with my thought flow?

where are those negatives? those worries? those positive thoughts that i finally find to keep myself up and cheerful? why is life so boring? so so so unproductive ? is it am getting lazy or is it, like, having done with the purpose of your life and now wait to reap the results?

it wasnt never the same.. it wasnt.. i never had to take and pen and sit and think and write down and the strike and cut through and rewrite and edit and read and proof and hell ! every single thing in penned down, all it came to me.. all i had to do was type them down pen them down and not to worry.. but now for this some time, its all different.. the feeling of the lost.. of the void, of vaccum, thats all i can feel..

i dont even feel lonely.. but i dont feel like i am in a crowd as well.. i dont feel sorry about anything, but i dont feel the need of anything too..

on the positive side of life, am gonna get busy, am gonna leave kerala soon !

and even more better thoughts, i might switch from blogspot domain to a personal one, the only thing thats blocking the shift is money and guys et and dudo,, you both better watch out and get ready.. remember you get paid :D

love and blessings :)

Let's Elope

2010-07-05T22:07:00.001+05:30

lets elope my love,

to the world of our dreams..

lets not worry about the hurdles,

your hands, in mine, and together we run

അനന്തശയനം വിരിഞ്ഞപ്പോൾ

2010-07-01T14:28:00.001+05:30

ശീലക്കുട

2010-06-26T15:49:00.004+05:30

വരണ്ടുണങ്ങുന്നത് ഭൂമിയോ നിന്റെ മനസ്സിലെ നന്മയോ?

നീ നനയുന്നുണ്ടൊ?? മഴയിലോ അന്യന്റെ കണ്ണുനീരിലോ?

അതു ഇരുട്ടല്ല, കറുപ്പല്ല, വെറും ശീലക്കുട,

ഇതിന്ന് നിന്റെ മുഖം മറക്കാനെങ്കിലും ഉപകരിക്കും..

കാലം നിന്റെ മിഴികളെ മുമ്പേ മൂടുപടമണിയിച്ചതല്ലേ?

Let Me Talk, Or Shall We Talk?

2010-06-23T22:26:00.001+05:30

so yeah, how are you? all fine?? under pressure? tensed? worried about something? come on dear, chill, kill your worries. so yeah, lets talk.. shall we?

so well, recenly i have attended a training.. and man, that didnt fetch me a job, but well it indeed did good to me, i mean to the way i think, i act, i respond, i talk, everything.. there was this thing, public speaking or open speaking or stage talk, what ever it may be.. and that is one area where many, many find problems.. call it boasting when i say, i can talk on a stage, i dont care how many are sitting in front of me, and with this in mind lets continue.. err.. its not about how to talk on a stage.. its something different..

3 years back, i was this pessimistic kid, every worse, i never loved facing a crowd, i dont jel with people that easily.. pressure, tenstion, and worries, they used to be my companions. and its not like i take tabs for all these and it not like the needed care thing or something.. its just the normal life cycle.. but right now, life is all good, life is all judicial and its great.

one thing that we all have to come across and handle in life is pressure or strain.. or call it any word you want.. it takes your life away from you, and even your smile away..why has no answer here.. err.. okey.. dont mind.. i am like, i dont really know what i am gonna write next.. err.. its just some random thought flow or something..

life is not about winning or losing, its all about living, its all about living your life as you like it, but yeah, not offending others, but in the right and judicial way.. life is not about just the academics, just the right job, the perfect family, life is something more than that, something beyond explaining, its just, life can just be felt and lived, every moment is new.. new and fresh, and you never know what is coming next, what is in store for you, and there lies the beauty of life.. in its uncertainity.. fear of death, fear of failure or fear of losing, these are something that can bring no good for us.. its like having positive and negative energies by us.. negatives are always a part of life, its just the way we approach things that makes and marks the difference..

the beauty of life lies in its uncertainities, in its questions and puzzles, your life is entirely your and you are the only you in the world who is really you ! life is not about quiting, life is not about losing hope, life is not about crying about whats gone, life is about starting again, doing things in ways that you think right,life is about living as you heart says, following its directions, life is not just about the ones and twos that make billions..

why do people quit living there life? just coz they felt like they are done? why doesnt people find reasons to live? its all a moments thought, a moments worry that causes the problems.. er.. damn... am drifting.. times up.. quit !

what are your supposed to do when you feel like the purpose of your life is met with? quit living or start conquering new horizons of life? think and reply ! not to me, but to your heart, your brain, and to your soul..

to be continued.

Smile !

2010-06-19T21:05:00.005+05:30

express !

wear a smile !

you dont lose anything for that !

you might just make someone's day,

might just lift someone's spirits,

might just make someone feel good !

smile !

you lose nothing !

live,

life as it comes,

you lose nothing !

enjoy,

life and its emotions,

in all dimensions!

grow, smile, and spread the joy :)

So, Shall We, Like, Talk?

2010-06-17T19:16:00.001+05:30

so whats up people? yeah, 2 weeks and i cant stay away anymore ! yup, am back ! back not to shout this time i guess.. yeah, back cos i wanna be back at the place where i belong, which is definitely mine.so how are you all doing? ohk fine.. lets talk about me.. after all its my place to shout !

so yes, i was out of station.. travelled to the state capital, and not just that, was there for 10 days. and yeah, it was official, say job training or language lab or anything, anyways i didnt get in through.. well that was just the first attempt, many more to come, and i sure will have some place to stay !

twitter has been my world for some time now, and its really fun. compressing all your thoughts to 140 characters and talking, reading and discussing, its all fun, and seriously am getting addicted to it ! this trivandrum trip of mine let me meet 2 tweeples and man, that was so fun.. the first tweet up at kannur was the first time i met tweeples.. and now it seems the list is going to be a large one..

talk about my training, it was awesome, just awesome.. made a lot many new friends, a totally new experience, and it definitely has helped me mod my attitude now. yeah, i can feel it..true i dint get in through, but this training will definitely help me to get in to some other, in the near of far future !

guess what? girls at trivandrum are cool.. and remembering one of my tweet from trivandrum, it says like this, take a girl from kannur, teach her to dress like a trivandrum girl, and then she will win eyes ! err.. what ever.. just said that.. another thing i noted from trivandrum is like, man, they dont have any respect for food.. bae.. seriously, they eat like they have never seen food till then.. sharing a table at restaurants had never been this kind of pain !

never in my life have i thought of paying for drinking water, and guess what? these 10 days at trivandrum, i had to ! meeting people is always fun, but getting down at the wrong stop never is. 4 out of 10 days, i got down at the wrong stop and walked all the way long.. and man, i have never been this bored and jobless. i so missed internet and my laptop.. but damn again, my mobile service provider is acting mad these days. every single time i wanna do something, it just keeps me away away and away.

meeting friends and having them around is always fun, and the better part is, when you meet the one who you are so close with, that too unexpectedly.. my visit to trivandrum wasnt planned and all i had was 24 hours to pack, pick and leave, and man, that saved a lie. my twin, my emotional twin, my copy, lives at trivandrum, and man i so wanted to meet her and be with her, this visit saved a lie and we met. never have i felt this close and comfortable with anyone else, keeping apart 3 persons in my life ! having my twin close to me, near to me was totally a different feeling !

its a different feeling to return back from a place where you dont belong to your home, always. but this time around, it was totally different to leave my twin behind and come back.. and girl you seriously made my eyes wet with your tears.. all i got to tell you is, there or here, am always with you, and i will always be. you know that and i know that !

training at trivandrum was soo fun.. 10 to 5 every day for a week, with 20 people and a good looking trainer, it was fun.. and man the role plays, the enacting roles, the dramas, the sessions, everything was awesome !

er.. its time i leave home, settled my mobile bills, do some shopping, cya later pals. drop in and read. i am BACK !

Lets Not Say Farewell

2010-05-30T22:59:00.001+05:30

oh yes, i was super busy till date.. i had this PG entrance thing yesterday, but that was not the reason why i was away.. falling ill has been a routine in my life for, say 3 years, and this time around it gave me crap ! and its all better now. and again, thats not the exact reason what kept me away. on a serious note, ever since my exams began, this void came to existance. i did not have any thing to write on and i never wanted, nor do i want now, to pen down something for the sake of it. thats not what i do. i write when i feel like, what my heart tells me to.. and life is much like a still photograph with nothing new happening and sticking to same routines.

and yes, i recently completed a mile stone for the second time :P +150 posts, and this time around, it really took time :D and like almost everyone does, i celebrated it with a series of guest posts, done by those bloggers who i read and enjoy, and they did their part, and must say, bring up the guest posts authors atleast kept this blog running !

blogging, i heard this term years back, the internet savvy me could resist the tempatation to try it.. so way back in 2005, i penned down my first post in a so called blog, and it was such an innocent me blogging, without knowing what exactly the terms blog and blogging meant. and then, i just forgot about all these and got attracted and then ofcourse addicted to another media for students and that addiction lived for 2 years.. then began my college life, and man, the initial days sucked, so did the final days, lets not mention it now. so thus being bored and jobless i started this blog titled "Quilling In Blood" and then i switched to "Obnoxious Mind" and then to this one "The Graveyard Of My Own Thoughts".

Initially i just wrote for the sake of it, but later it changed and i started writing only when i felt like writing, and what i felt like writing, and it felt awesome. there is thing that i said when i started this blog, that i would rather be happy if i have 5 followers and 5 responses than 50 followers and 3 responses..the reason ofcourse is, when i write, its primarily for myself and then only i share with those who follow me, and much important than that, i dont really like to be tagged as "one who writes".. i seriously cant do that.. i just pen down my thoughts.. but now, am really glad that these people who follow me like what i pen down..

Guest Posts have always been an attraction in every blogs.. yes, am glad i had guest authors to write for me here.. all it began with one post from Nyx, aka Aarthi.. i started following her soon after one comment in TWL annoyed me, and she being the admin had to clarify that, and well, along with her i met Stephen, another admin, clarifying the same.. what i like about Nyxs posts it, not always, but at times, she pens down some real thoughts on life, and boy i so like that and can relate!

the second guest to appear here was my own virtual sister Slow Processor aka Hasna! i dont remember when i first met her or when she met me, but its some time that she is in my social contact list. i like the way she pens down poems.. her lines, often has something that can make me think, something deep and dark hidden in it, and i love the freedom it gives me, like i can interpret it in any way that i want, and yes, she ofcourse agrees all the time :)

and the came this good looking girl form Bangladesh, Shomoita aka Lopa, again, my virtual sister, talking to her over FB & G Talk has always been fun and i love the “kiddo” word :D isn’t that right sissie? Never have i returned from her blog without a smile. Like her, its also very jovial :P
next to do the GP was calvin or sreehari, and man that single post recorded the maximum hits for a post in my blog, ( credits to google analytics) and on a serious note, i like what he does, i mean what he writes. And you might want to check his blog out, but warn you, he writes in Malayalam ! calvin am glad you were around when i needed support and guidance, and i am even more glad to know, that you will be there ! buddies, aren’t we?

I have found my emo twin in jinju.. the way we think, we act and we live, its the same,or in her own words, d shared laughter, tears n dreams....d solidarity of xprnces, reactns n lessons learnt in common...d amazing, jaw-dropping resonance..bein able to read each other's silence n feel d unexpressd n pick up each oders vibes widout evn trying...the "i knw jus wut u mean...coz dats exactly wut i've also felt"dat keeps popping up in d mind every moment v r 2gthr..( thanks to facebook :P) and she is one gifted person.. she writes amazingly good, but lazy and thus her internet activities are limited. And to be frank, at times, i totally don’t get what she wanted to convey and take it in my way, later discuss it with her, and the ofcourse, i twist and bend my point to make her admit that what i said is write. :( cant think now, once she is done reading this, omg, pray i be safe :D

Then there is this budding talent, the gifted one, Rahul, aka eternalthinker with his out of box thinking and his et, he got all to attract you to his blog.. man you do real good work and spend time on the works you do ! the et comics are just awesome and keep them coming, and btw, bringing up the old issue, sue Vodafone zoozoos, et is original. This guy is the one behind the modification of almost all my templates, and he is really good at it, am just giving him practice and training options !

Choco and dudo are relatively new to my blogger buddies list, but they are too cool to be with :P this choco girl can give life to emotions.. i wonder why she writes so much of sad poems, but they are all so well crafted.. and choco’s blah blahs :P that is something funny about her.. she can write the sadest poem and then the next moment can come up with some blah blah blah and tweets :) girl, keep doing it, but start writing lines what makes a curve on our lips :) dudo is mr. Philosophy. Like rahuls et, dudo is shrijit’s virtual identity. Thanks to him, out group blog i-phrase is now actively running.. meeting dudo was a surprise, first in FB and then i G talk, he is the one, who is always around !

Anupama and i have a history.. from arguments to this friendship it has grown, and damn, she writes so much and i hate reading long posts, but guess what? Hers write ups are worth reading. Thanks for being there in my g talk, always available, and for often managing to cheer me up.

And finally there is leo, the most celebrated one in the blogsphere.. he is the poet ! and i love what he writes, but sad to say, i don’t understand the acros he pen down.. am more comfortable with the other type of poems and stories your pen down, and well, my addiction for templates had made him give me a name TT, and :D i love it, cant help it when it comes to templates leo :D

Thats all about the GP authors here, and i definitely want to mention K Parthasarathi, who has been the source of inspiration and one who always wanted me to come good in what ever i do, Lakshmi akka for her support, love and mails, and the responses to the buzz, Sindhu bhairavi for her comments, mails and for asking me to stop writing negative posts, Rugma, Kajal, Rakesh Vanamali, Neelima, Neethu, Divsi, Mahesh, and all of these 70 people who follow me, everyone who reads what ever crap i write, and google, for providing me this plat form to write.

This is it people, i stop writing here for now..yup, i seriously don’t have anything new to write, and i don’t want to write for the sake of writing.. but i promise, i will be back, but at the right moment ! so lets not say farewell..

So long folks, so long !

Love, Shravan.

The Quick Drop By

2010-05-25T07:20:00.005+05:30

Umm, make no mistake, the title is spot on, coz I've been under the kosh of the work hammer and in between, my dashboard has gone nuts and forgotten to update on the previous four guest posts, so I've been drawn into action in mega quick fashion so as to not be late at the graveyard.

Shravan is more known to me as TT. well, will let him blab about it if he wants to. Didn't know him much before going to his site from my virtual sister Callie's soul. Knew him to be a mallu who wrote nice posts that reflected life, but what attracted me most to his site was the url, Quilling in Blood because most of the times I do that too, write with ink of blood and right from my heart as well.

An inch past fifty and hundred

A graveyard turns this post

Moving forward at its own pace

Enchanting each straying gaze

Sometimes haunting almost

Like a burning fire it warms

Each word is from the heart

Welcoming ours into his own

Never in this graveyard alone

He leads to his words from start

Quilling in blood or so he says

Each word shows in its own way

To move onward, a desire flares

Always let that want be there

Still more words must rest in peace

Haunting readers even in their ease

Full of passion, let him forge on

Capturing dreams that seem gone

This journey surely doesn't end here

More milestones for sure to come

The caretaker awaits, his graveyard

I give back with this last little hum

Happy 150th post TT. I know this isn't as good as I could have made it, but can't let your blog be stuck at 150 till my post gets up. I'll return sometime back with a better one. Keep writing and get to 200, 250 and etc etc.. milestones very soon.

Cheers!

A TRYST WITH NOSTALGIA

2010-05-24T08:24:00.002+05:30

Drifting down the skies,

Like a gift from the gods-

Lost by cherubs playing on the clouds,

Or a remnant of the past

To wake my memeories once more?

To gently lead me

Through cloistered lanes of yore;

To an explosion of colours,

An expanse of bright dreams,

Great hopes, and no fears.

Ah! This kite to fly once more,

With the wind in my hair;

To follow its journey

With unblinking eyes,

And laugh once again,

With glee untinged by tears.

Could I be so frozen-

Gay abandon- in time?

Dearest twin,

My hearty congrats on this splendid milestone of 150 posts that u have reached! And that too in such a short time! U know how infrequent a blogger i am, and i think urs is a mind-boggling achievement...seriously! May ur blog keep soaring in blogosphere! Keep writing...u know this awesome blog is your very own space and it has a place not only in ur heart but of ur many readers too.... And yes, thanx for the guest post invite on ur special occasion yet again... Hope i will get to do the 1500th post here :) Congratz n god bless...

Lotz n lotza love n prayers,

Jinju

A DAY TO BE REMEMBERED!

2010-05-22T18:51:00.026+05:30

My Birthday Gift To You!

10p.m

Dear Friends,

Good Evening!

I am doing the first guest post as the part of celebrations of Shravan completing his 150th post and I will be doing the 149th one!And just two more hours to go!It is Shravan's 21st birthday!A Very Happy Birthday,Friend!Many Many Happy Returns Of The Day!May God Bless You To Have Many More!

By the way,It is your Dad's star birthday too!Convey our best wishes to your Dad!

Shravan,you have reached a remarkable milestone in blogosphere by completing hundred and fifty posts. Your honest expressions and true narrations make me come to your blog regularly.I do always write straight from my heart so I could always relate so well with your posts.:)

Birthdays are occasions to celebrate growth,maturity and achievements.Birthdays remind us that the gift of life is the most precious and important one.It is the time when we get many good wishes and we must be grateful to God Almighty for all the good things happened in the past.''Your birthday is a special time to celebrate the gift of 'you' to the world.''

Out of teens and on the threshhold of adulthood.That must be areal great feeling.You must be enjoying the transition.A new life awaits you!21st birthday is aturning point in one's life!So,make it memorable!

Let me start my post with my dearest Amma's verses for you!

The reminiscence of the auspicious day,

Twenty one years back when the Moolam star,

Rose smiling in the firmament,

Fills the minds and hearts of your parents,

With relief and ecstacy,

When they heard the non-stop cry,

Of their new born babe!

Dear Shravan,

Every day is anew beginning,

But Birthday is really special,

May this birthday be just the beginning,

Of another exciting year,

Filled with joy,laughter and happiness!

I wish you my friend,

May all your dreams come true!

I am happy that we are friends,

As a friend is a gift we give ourselves!

Shravan,you are in my prayers,

A happy and bright future awaits you!

A birthday comes just once a year,

So it is party time,yaar!

I am wishing you another wonderful year,

Of laughter,joys and fun!

Surprises,love and happiness!

You will have all the pleasure,dear,

May each hour and minute be filled with delight!

On this important day,

Never feel down and frown!

I am glad that I know you,

You are simple and smart,

Naughty and talented!

You have miles and miles to go,

And I really hope you will turn to be,

A wonderful and popular writer!

I know you don't like long posts,

So let me conclude my words!

Remember,experiences great and small,

That have made you who you are!

''Hope your Birthday gently breezes all the choiciest of things and all that your heart holds dear''!

Have afun-filled day!Birthdays mean;cake,gifts,wrapping paper,money,friends,new clothes and party!What more do you need?

Wherever I will be,

My wishes are always with you!

It's Anu signing off........

Shravan,I am honoured by doing this guest post on your special day!

I don't know you like the back of my hand,

But I know you more than I need!:)

Now at the age of twenty one,

I wish you,a fantastic view of your goal!

It 's not fair,that you have not invited me for your birthday party,

But enjoy in every possible way you can!

Reminding Anu loves you all dil se,

Please do a kind deed today!

Keep up the good work!

A Big God Bless You!

Sasneham,

Anu

Digital Life Alchemy

2010-05-21T07:03:00.003+05:30

Its been like a routine to me to hit on to this blog, I love, like minded people who share same thoughts as mine.... Shravan you are one of them.

I'm excited to post one of my dead thought on to this graveyard and the tombstone says Digital Life Alchemy

This post is dedicated to you as a part of 150th post celebrations and your birthday gift!!!

Every human being is a part of Almighty's labyrinth, with a confusing twist and turns. And WE a mere fusion Soul and body combined to run this rat race.

Life is a puzzle, each valuable piece is scattered on Earth and we need to find the pieces and place at the right places where they belong. Shravan you are one of my life's puzzle piece.

Evey human has his own share of happiness and sorrows as life elements and equal proportions blend to get a perfect human life.

Blank thoughts are posted on to the web for others to read. We never feel that we're left standing in the cold, Homeless, Friendless, Hopeless, Abandoned. This is Digital Life Alchemy. Thanx being a part of it.

I still feel my life is a big unsolved mystery!!!! Each mysterious thoughts will find its suitable grave. And every one in this blogsphere will mourn for your thought's death.

Hope this graveyard of thoughts will have a 6 feet grave for my thoughts for ever!!!!

All the best!!!!

-DuDo

Doing My Job !!!

2010-05-19T23:56:00.001+05:30

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!! ummmm.. okay.. haha! Its me chocolate lover..a 16 year old kid on 20 year old 'kid' .... Shravan's blog :) (Going to hijack your blog with this guest posht!!)

Shravan hired me on a job by the way..haha! so here I am..and yeah.. I'm not yet paid for it :P haha! so "thish" is the 147th post on this blog.. Its an honour for me to be here and to be a part of 150th post celebration :)

Shravan...you are so awesome..you speak your heart through this blog.. haha! your random posts and poems inspires me and I am sure others too :))

You are an amazing writer (accept it now!! Blaaahhhaaa or you have to pay me double :P)

A twenty year old kid..

writing his thoughts,

writing his feelings,

sometimes random,

sometimes deep..

A twenty year old kid,

awesome and sweet,

a pessimist with optimistic views,

sometimes weary,

sometimes gleamy..

A twenty year old kid;

dreamy and awake,

speaking his heart,

and you know what?

He's awesome in this art..

Shravan.. Its for you.. I hope you like it :)) I am seriously no one to say anything.. you are really awesome.. and an inspiration.. I am still a learner and learn a lot from you..

my twenty year old friend (gonna turn 21) may you reach more milestones :)) and congratulations for reaching 150th post :)) don't stop writting!! We need more poshts from you!! ;)

P.S. Shravan!!! my chocolate?? :( I need a chocolate for thish..I did my job! ;) and dear readers plz dont look at my grammatical errorsh!!

PPS. wahhhhaaaaa.. finally I wrote thish!! ^-^

Keep blogging Shravan..

yours very own,

Chocolate lover..

Let's Simplify and See

2010-05-18T20:50:00.003+05:30

The world in a moment is like a still photograph.. The next moment it paves way to another one.. Second by second, scenes change.. Amazing how we fit into it, changing forms and even thoughts, and even faces. The world as a whole, is definitely a stage where we act upon, roles, as per needs !

Guest Posts Up Next : Celebrating 150 posts ! It took way too long for me to reach this milestone ! 150 worth just 15 i would count :D

Nine Words, Nine

2010-05-15T22:06:00.004+05:30

I. Am. Alive. And. Breathing.Oxygen. Like. Everybody. Else.

Freedom

2010-05-05T06:57:00.001+05:30

There awaits,my freedom,after today,till unknown,let me live,life,all its moments,and thenchain me,to life, again.

Let's Simplify

2010-05-02T10:06:00.002+05:30

how simple could life be, when you could find joy in the smaller things of life? when you could just be with your loved ones and forget all other worries.. how simple could life get when you carry a light heart and smile all the way..

my life, just got simplified ! living it to the core, enjoying each and every moment of it, but missing some closer ones and trying to bring them close ! life is better all the way and i hope it stays the same !

"what the summer rain does to the soil, your smile does to my soul !"

i have received awards again, and a tag, thanks to shriti aka chocolate lover and shrijit aka dudo. and here i go, accepting the 2 awards with pleasure.

thank you chocolate lover

thank you chocolate lover and dudo.

this cherry on top award comes with a tag and phew.. doing tags after a long gap and its like this :

The rules of the tag says. I need to tell 3 good things about me, and here i go

1. I can handle pressure and keep my attitude though i dont seem to do.

2.i can trust people, and i trust them, and that is why,i believe in staying connected to people, and being there for them, and thus i have almost all relationships close to my heart.

3.i believe in me, and doing hard work, rather than complaining, yes i am a pessimistic optimist !

Vishu Greetings

2010-04-14T07:33:00.001+05:30

ഏതു ധൂസരസങ്കല്പങ്ങളിൽ വളർന്നാലും

ഏതു യന്ത്രവത്കൃത ലോകത്തിൽ പുലർന്നാലും

മനസ്സിലുണ്ടാവട്ടെ ഗ്രാമത്തിൻ വെളിച്ചവും

മണവും മമതയും ഇത്തിരി കൊന്നപ്പൂവും

കാലം തെറ്റി പൂക്കുന്ന കൊന്നയും

മാറുന്ന നാടും, മാറുന്ന മനുഷ്യരും

നമ്മുടെ മനസ്സിന്റെ നന്മയെ കളങ്കപ്പെടുത്താതിരിക്കെട്ടെ.

എല്ലാവർക്കും എന്റെ ഹൃദയം നിറഞ്ഞ വിഷു ആശംസകൾ

No Matter Where You Find Love

2010-04-06T08:50:00.001+05:30

It was fully occupied compartment, but never tough for them to meet each other. Hours long did their talks go. As miles went past, the distance between them grew shorter and shorter.

Next morning as darkness withered away, there she was, in her seat, her heart content, having felt the feeling of togetherness and love.

Thirst

2010-04-04T22:01:00.003+05:30

all i want now is some peace,

some journey to lands unknown,

stinking jean and sweating shirt,

empty wallet and a bottle of water..

all i want now is to wander

through the streets and not worry..

all i want now is a change

and some moments of life..

all i want now is to forget

me and everything else

all i want now is to live

my life, to its full !

PS : attended the first ever tweet up at kannur. 2 hours at the beach near the light house.. hope the event will occur again and fully fludges. met bloggers Rahul Anand and Remiz Rehnas first time

PS2 : discussion going on with Rahul Anand.. A Platform for young bloggers from kannur and suburbs, Something like a bloggers group or some blogger club.. dont know how the discussions will end. dont know if it will be productive in the end. but hoping for it to happen.. imagine if bloggers from same locality can meet up at a place and discuss on variety of topics, make friends, and who know if any thing better can happen.dreaming of such a club or unity of a group :)

In Chase Of An Unanswered Quest

2010-04-02T12:20:00.001+05:30

move on, they tell me every moment
and i see the world moving by
move on, they tell me every moment
and i see faces, known and unknown

moments grew to hours, and to days
colors faded and grey on my hair
looking back, i could only see
a shadow, that never was mine

was i moving on in life, or,
was i just standing still,
waiting for a moment that went by
or searching for a hope to hold on?

Let's Fly Up

2010-03-28T20:29:00.001+05:30

life definitely is full on uncertainities, and life definitely is full of hopes, its just holding on to the hopes or finding the better side of every bitter moment that makes life perfect to live :-) every time i lose my hope, i search for it, deep in myself, around me, in people and in void..

upside down things may turn
and lets not quit,
who knows if a rainbow awaits
the next moment,
short enough to be seen,
but long enough for you to smile.

one hard learned fact in my life to face all problems with a smile, true smiling may not solve the problem, but it would definitely give some positive enery to face it.. finding the better side of all, does the right trick.. after all, who knows whats in the next moment ??

Facts From My Past

2010-03-27T13:38:00.001+05:30

~~skip reading if you dont want to waste your precious time.. its just an outburst of thoughts :-)~~

my joining of Oracle's www.think.com now called thinkquest.org paved the way for the present life i live. its then i knew my love for the net and for the blogs ! its 10 page personal columns for school students(kendriya vidyalaya had registered with it, dunno about rest of the schools) made all the difference in my life.thats when i became known to people, thats how i met my bestie, and thats how i got connected to some best teachers in around india.. thats when i first realised that blogs could be my virtual home ! if ever i hadnt registered and spent time on it, i would now be studying in some engg college, having fun and wouldnt have had this pathetic college life ! but had i not been in, i wouldnt have become this person who i am, and i am proud to be the way i am ! life's little lesson, learned and shared.. after all, life is not just an engg degree ! had i never spent hours on the internet uploading and updating the 10 pages, i would have scored atleast a decent score in maths than to have merely passed.but then again, i would have met these inspiring people, and friends ! had mom n dad never got me the computer while i was in class 11, i wouldnt have made them cry, but then i wouldnt have realized the true color of life ! true i havent faced any real challenges in life, but still again, what i went through, i can never ever put them into words !

PS : well, am just sick and tired of listening to poeple saying "you should have opted for engg" come on people, engg is not the only thing in life, plus thats not the right path for me to move, plus i never made a candidate for that course !

Being Myself

2010-03-16T10:55:00.001+05:30

Being myself.. yup, being my self.. satisfying my primary need of running this blog, a place for me to express and do all the talking, a place where i can shed in my thoughts and then share it, yeah, sharing is secondary, i do not write to please anyone, nor do i have the talent to do that. Its just me and my thoughts in here, but i am glad i have people around me who read, we respond and who encourage, and i am truly honoured and proud to have met you all, and even more proud to be in touch, and known you all, and i hope it goes on. In a couple of days, i am going to write one hell of an exam series that decides where i will stand in the future life.. but well before i get going, before i get busy, there is something that i need to dumb out of my thoughts, and then i just got to deliver my best in my exams..

The biggest plus and the biggest minus in my life is the freedom i enjoy, all the goods in me are from the freedom i enjoy and so comes the negatives in me. I am extremely glad and thankful to the god almighty, that i have the best parents in the world. Letting me to be who i am, that is what my parents did, and they are still doing that, true they had hopes on me, faith on me and i have let them down not just for once. But even now, home is the biggest comfort zone that i can be. True i have let all the dreams and hopes placed on me to rot, and die, i have caused nothing but tears for them, but now, its time, i make a move, i do something this last time to bring one smile on their face.

Every single step i took in my life, i took it at my will, yup i have stumbled and fallen, and yup i have taken the right steps as well, and at this point of time, why do i want someone else to do all the thinking for me? Do tell me what i am to do next? Come on man, i got my parents right behind me, saying yes to every decision i took, regardless of whether right or wrong, and then when i fall, holding me tight and making me walk again.. shut the hell, and mind your business !

Life has never been that good, but it’s been so well judicial, and it’s never been partial, true i don’t regret about what i did in the past, true again, it helped me to realize my potentials and to be a better person, and there is nothing that can replace moms tears, but well, time will heel everything.

It doesn’t really feel good to be the one who has on him, many hopes put on, and when you don’t stand up to that, life becomes a burning hell, and then again, it’s not easy to live tagged as a loser and then find hope in life again. True i had flaws, but there is something i have and many others don’t have, it might sound simple when i say i have seen life so plain, but living then, being a total outsider everywhere, living isolated, the so called alone in the crowd thing, the feeling can never be put into words.. you just need to face and feel it.. true i haven’t face any tragedies in life, i haven’t had any hard heart breaking experiences, but what i went through, that was something that really helped me to be the one who i am now..

Often, i am called as the “worthless philosopher”, but well, all it comes from the li
fe i lived and what i experienced, true i am just 20, and when i talk about things, i see people giving me that look, are you 50 my son, to guide me? I am not sir, am just 20, but i know how it would go.. that is the only answer i have for you !

It never is easy to survive among people who makes friendship seeing the grades and scores, and i have had and i still have such friends who grade friends according to their grades in papers, but well, life is not just about the marks you score, it’s all about living it, and facing it, and experiencing everything that life has in store for you. I have always given my relationships and feelings and emotions a higher priority than the grades i am supposed to score, and till now, that is the only right thing i feel that i have done, and i don’t regret ! dependency is one factor that held me back for long, but then life had another lesson in store for me, and whoa !! that was one hell of a period to live, from an emotionally dependent kid to an independent human, that transformation felt awesome, and that is when these useless philo part became my life style.. life isn’t supposed to be lived on philosophies, it is to be lived for every moment, to be enjoyed and lived happily, regardless of what is next to come, life is to be lived to the core, but when we live for the moment, there is something that we need to do, learn from the past moment and evolve then.

Getting control of my emotions and feelings has served me good, but yeah, i do agree, it has also made me to be who i am not, atleast for some moments, but deep down, you are the only you and i am the only me !

ഓര്‍മ്മയില്‍ നിന്നും..

2010-03-11T22:28:00.001+05:30

"ഓർമയുടെ താളുകളിൽ എവിടെയോ നിൻ മൃദുസ്മിതം..

മറക്കുവാൻ വയ്യ, നീ അരികത്തായില്ലെങ്കിലും.."

Capturing Theyyam

2010-03-11T08:38:00.003+05:30

Theyyam or Theyyattam is a popular Hindu ritual of worship in North Kerala state, India, predominant in the Kolathunadu area (consisting of present-day Kannur and Kasargod districts). As a living cult with several thousand-year-old traditions, rituals and customs, it embraces almost all the castes and classes of the Hindu religion in this region. The performers of Theyyam belong to the indigenous tribal community, and have an important position in Theyyam. This is unique, since only in Kerala, do both the upper-caste Brahmins and lower-caste tribals share an important position in a major form of worship. The term Theyyam is a corrupt form of Devam or God. People of these districts consider Theyyam itself as a God and they seek blessings from this Theyyam.A similar custom is followed in the Tulu Nadu region of neighbouring Karnataka known as Bhuta Kola

(details from here)

P S: sorry for the bad image quality, this is when I wish if I had a better camera :) poor me!
P P S: Image edited to compensate for bad image quality.

The Pain Of Parting

2010-03-09T23:03:00.001+05:30

yeah, today was the farewell day at college.. and now, college life is officially over !

and thus, there it ended, college life ! moving on! the next phase

so yeah, as said earlier, i am the happiest man leaving college today. am glad that i dont have much of commitments at college.. but still, at this moment when everything is over and seeing those videos over and over, it seems like, am also a lil sad, i too have some selected people to add to my list of forever friends from college.. from silly talks to serious discussions.. that was one heck of 3 years at college ! guys, am gonna miss you all!

i opened this editor page with so much of things to write and now, guess i gotta stop, i cant push the pen any more :(

Where we Quit

2010-03-09T06:21:00.003+05:30

May be that is where we quit, few steps behind the goal

and then letting HIM to carry us forward!

Transition

2010-03-06T22:17:00.003+05:30

when i first entered the college, i felt like the outsider, now when i am about to leave the college, i realize " i am the outsider "

Letters From The Past

2010-02-28T21:46:00.002+05:30

letters dated in the years 1983, and 1981, letters from +20 years past.. found among the debris while cleaning the old house today, from the collection of my uncles.. and look where we have reached, at the age of e-mails, short messages, now twitter and even g-buzz ! but there were days when one would wait for a letter, when one would want to write a letter home, saying "mom, am fine" and ofcourse the letters of love, as seen in movies :P

TASC - Where I Studied !

2010-02-25T21:37:00.004+05:30

Taliparamba Arts and Science College, Kannur

[one of my own pictures that i find good]

yeah, thats the place that i studied till now. the college that i will be graduating from. Started functioning in the 2002-2003 adacemic year, my college is a new born college and thus has this minimum student population for around 200 students in 4 branches of electronics, computer science, physics and business management. no wonder whey scopes of fun are limited !

but i hope, this institutions grows up, florishes and becomes the temple of education for many :)

Another Phase

2010-02-24T20:36:00.001+05:30

hello people.. wazzup? how you all doing?yeah its around 10 days that i visited this place for updating.. so where have i been? i was so damn busy attending my classes at college and then i had a trip on last friday night.. the return trip proved hectic and am still having a bad back.. so well.. thats all about me,

my college life just got over today. yeah, i am out of college though i have to go for the farewell party, improvement exams starting this march 2nd week and then the final exams starting this april 1st week.. but officially, the college life is over.. i never knew how 3 years of my life went.. but yeah, it doesn't create any sick feeling that i am finishing my college life.. i have always felt to be an outsider there.. i some how didnt feel to fit in to the lot of people there and jel with them always.. there was something missing ! ah.. well, thats all over now.. no more adjustmental smiles, fake hellos and wishes.. my college isnot the so called big institution.. its new born college, my batch being the fifth batch to pass out from there.. a college with a small population of maximum of 500 students, and there, you cant ask for more fun..

leaving all these thing apart, there is something i found missing in my so called bacth, and thats the affection and friendship among classmates.. god, there is nothing so called friendship there.. everything just so momentary for few of people.. but yeah, as in every phase of life, there also do we find like minded people who we can get going.. no difference in my case. i am not the only outsider ! but well i have no complaints, coz i didnt expect anything more. !

so well now, good bye college life ! not much to events to remember, and not much of things to forget, 3 years of my life, and in the near future, i will have the label, graduate ! so my subject of graduation? Electronics people electronics !

there is no point in saying that i never wanted to learn electronics now, but well that is the only truth.. why i had to is coz i had no other options..i have always wanted to do my higher in literature or something related to the media and stuff, yeah i admit, at this present moment, i am nothing more than a grade 10 student when i talk of literature, i dont read, i dont write, i dont do anything.. but things would have been different if i had another option to select, three years ago. atleast, i would have been content enough that i studied what i wanted to ! and yeah, electronics, is never a boring subject!

academic profile is something i never gave an importance.. i have always given the first priority to my relationships, and on maintaining them. true i had to suffer for that, but i dont care.. there arent so many things that i regret in life.. scoring low for my class 12, was one such thing that i never regreted till now.. but yeah, this 3 years of life, the people i shared my class with, made me regret. things would have been different if i did some hard work then. atleast, i would have studied with people who knows the meaning of friendships, fun, and everything that defines college life !

to be continued...

Romancing With Life

2010-02-13T20:52:00.003+05:30

in life, i dont regret for so many things,

except for my moms tears, and my dads pains,

except for my own failures in exams to qualify

there aren’t so many things that I regret in life too

except for meeting you in my lifes pathway

damn too late than when I should have met you

girl, now I know what love is,

its love when a slightest smile on your face

brightens up my world, melting down the sorrows

girl, now I know what love is,

its love when your words of comfort fall to my ears

making me to smile, and hope for the best.

Salvation

2010-02-06T23:03:00.001+05:30

broken are those threads that bind me to the foul,

my soul, saved and blessed, rests in peace,

at his abode

From The Drafts

2010-01-31T15:54:00.005+05:30

guess what? i so badly wanted to write something here.. some real random scribbles.. but yeah, as in all writer blocks, no topics for me to write or even to push my pen.. damn it.. so yeah, but there has been this one person who always have enough of topics to discuss.. and well, just like the earlier days, i pinged the one and said, i need a topic to write on.. and wow.. there it is. a new topic.. unlike the past and dead days, am gonna try this topic for sure :)

so yeah, i have been to the gift shop today..with a friend of mine.. i have a very poor selection skill in my own eyes. but the so called friends say, when i select i select the good, definitely not the best.. so yeah.. i was with this friend of mine purchasing the gifts for her christmas friend.. that used to be the fun part at school.. a single gift could even change the entire impression people have on you.. it not a great idea to discuss my higher secondary school life.. but yeah, with just one christmas gift, wow, there was a change in impression, to the positive side.. oh well, i dint gift anything to any girl.. none was so special to me there.. except for the first 9 months of class 11.. and phew.. that still burns me and bites me at times..

so the gift shop.. this is one of the best gift shops i have seen at this place..and they have got a huge collection of dolls.. the girly dolls :-) yeah.. so i just moved around the place seeing all stuffs and my dear friend searching searching and searching and finally after an hour, as my time to return home approached, she took one cute doll and got it packed.. ofcourse in a gift wrapper.. so we settled the bill and took our paths..

so yeah, thats it, the topic, gifts.. december is one of the happier months and i love the month too.. the holidays, the cakes and more importantly the morning sleep.. it feels so great, beyond explaining to sleep till 11 on real december morning.. so yeah.. december is the time to celebrate.. enjoy and share..

so well now, thats from the draft part, i dont quite feel like editing and removing that.. well, i will just continue from where i stopped, but well, right now the mood is a happy mood.. the cycle of happy life going on.. just like the spring returning year by year, after all the mood swings, good things are back.. and my life, at this point of time, is so good.. or atleast, am a lot more happier person.. let me just say, my world, just a handful, so close to my heart :-)

there arent too many occasions when i feel my tears coming out of my eyes.. but well, there is been some occasions that just made me weep.. but all for a happier cause.. so well.. speaking of gifts, the best thing you can gift to someone is, as those widely forwarded messages say, your time.. give people your time when they are in need. be with them, and then see how good life will be.. but even then, at times you need to give time for yourself as well.. when you give time for yourself, withdrawing from all pressures of life, all problems and tensions of life, there you can find a different you, a lot more happy and healthy you..

often when i feel so lost, the first thing i do is to disconnect from the external world and withdraw to myself.. but well, at this point of time, i need to correct, the best thing to do is to get into the external real world and real people, but ofcourse withdrawing to yourself at times can do you good.. disconnecting from the real world hasnt got noting to do with your state of being lost, actually i quite accelerates your negative thinking process.., though not always.. keeping apart the fact that one will intend to think about the problems, withdrawing to oneself and enjoying some time for oneself, can really do good.. like, calming yourself down, and evaluating the thought process.. deciding the next, or just shutting down your worrying conscious mind and enjoying the moments in life.. it can do wonders :-)

oh yes.. it now started confusing me.. lets sum up... what am i trying to pen down is.. umm.. well just... figure it out.. its just about you, time, peace, happiness, life, random..

PS : saved on 19 dec 2009, and continued from the striked part today ! just like that, random mood swings !

Her Life

2010-01-27T18:49:00.002+05:30

he left home smashing the door behind at her towards his new found love.
the next morning, the maid found her dead body along with a note reading, sorry my child i had to abort you for him, and now, look, he aborted me for her, and here, i come to you, so called life !!

Platform

2010-01-26T21:53:00.004+05:30

many miles to go before the hault,

moving past the isolated lanes,

and through the crowded stations,

the journey goes on, and on !

often so filled with no space,

like my mind thats lost in thoughts,

and often so abandoned, isolated,

like me, longing for all your love !

who knows when its time,

for you to come, or may be not.

like the waves i count in despiar,

the wait for you, goes on, and on !

Image : Chirakkal Raliway Station on a Sunday Evening.

Moments

2010-01-23T20:54:00.004+05:30

curse me not, for my sins

hate me not, for your tears

curse me not,for the wrongs

if there is no next moment

be with me, bear with me

for,this,my last breathe

close my lids,lock my lips

and pray, my soul be safe

Loneliness

2010-01-16T20:29:00.002+05:30

so wazzup people? how you all doing? just got a break from the tensions.. thought i will switch to a new template and its done and thought i will just make a post, here, to see if i still remember how to publish senseless posts in my blog :)

well, nothing is really happening around here, except for the fact that i am travelling to places, and right now, i am on my way back home.. well, its time i quit and give rest to my eyes..

"the world,crowded

with people of types,

and still it's hollow,

giving a feel of loneliness"

Looking Back, Seeing The Year That Passed By

2009-12-29T21:50:00.005+05:30

and so this is the last post of this year 2009 in this blog and 2009 has been an year that gave me mixed feelings, mixed emotions, not so bad, not so great kind of an year, and well, just looking back at the year on this last week :)

1.What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Let people walk out of my life.. till this year, I took all my care not to see people walking out of my life, and this year, well, just realised that I cant always have everyone with me always, and that at times, I need to prioritize things.. so well, let people walk out of my life, I made priorities in my life..

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
kept some resolutions, broke some, and never tried for some.. and for the next year, yup, but still thinking about what to make.

3. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
probably reading books.. CT, Meu P or CS.. or otherwise texting and on phone.. so badly want to go to the beach party with friends.. they are all home and curse the exams.. will miss the new year day.. guess what? For the first time ever, I have an exam on jan 1st

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, but some relationships had a worse end..

5. What countries did you visit?
countries and countries and countries.. breakfast from US, Lunch in Italy and dinner from India..

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
a library membership.. I so badly need to read and learn and grow.. its 3 years without a membership.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
dates.. 2nd and 3rd feb, 8th july,17th September. First two days for meeting my best friend for the first and second time in 4 years time, second for a cause of heart and 17th sept for the mobile :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
to be part of the editorial board of college magazine. That was the first magazine to be published from our college, had fun, had sleepless nights and in the end smiled for the cause.. no one had complaints about it. Other than that, I never thought I would actually be in the blogsphere all this year and manage to post +250 posts in my two blogs.

9. What was your biggest failure?
other than scoring low in exams, no real failure happened in this year..

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Omg ! fever stuck for more than 5 times, broken ankle, broken back, bed rest, broken tear glands and, I am still living on DRUGS!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I planned to my a mobile, but things changed and I ended up owing a nokia E 75, and that’s really the best thing I got this year, well I dint buy that, but ofcourse did spend the money I saved for a mobile. So fair I guess !

12. Where did most of your money go?
Travelling expenses and recharge coupons and the food.. ate a lot of junk food and ended up adding some extra pounds !

13. What song will always remind you of 2009?
guess its not a so popular song, its gray valanciano’s I will be here.. that’s such a romatic song !

14. What do you wish you'd done more of?
read books, put in a lot more efforts in studies.

15. What do you wish you'd done less of?
browsing the net, clearing my browsing credits by the third week of every month ending up in additional bills.

16. What was your favourite TV program?
no.. I don’t really watch tv.

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I hated some in the last year, now I hate the same some and some new some 

18. What was the best book you read?
being frank, I read only one book, that too way too late, Chetan Bagath’s One Night @ A Call Center.. got in on 13th of june as a gift from Anupama, for a blogging cause.. aww! That’s just adds one more day to question no 7’s answer :)

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
that English songs are not that bad :) never listened to them till this year, just loved the Malayalam songs, and now since, well, there are some good English songs as well :D

20. What was your favorite film of this year?
ah.. am not that much in to movies.. but I loved the Malayalam movie rithu, but must see it again before confirming it, loved the background score..

21. What did you do on your birthday?
stayed awake late, answering calls, talked to 2 persons the same thing and the same thing on two phones, and that’s was some new experience, went to the beach, partied with friends.. ate mom made food, drank payasam, slept :D

22. What kept you sane?
desire to live ! friends did play a vital role in keeping me sane, so did the blogsphere and there were some days when I felt like “I’m done”, but yeah, am still breathing :D

23. Who did you miss?
I missed my best friend, I missed my girl friend, and then on some days, I missed myself

24. Who was the best new person you met?
my twin.. I haven’t seen her in real yet, but, still it’s like, me and her living the same kind of life, so much of similarities in thoughts and even in events that happened in life.. and she’s been there around me when I felt down and lost at times, when I lost the hold of myself.. and other than that, made friends with a lot of new people.. sreehari is one who I wanna meet when there is a chance now..

25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?
I learned not to put so much of hopes on persons, I learned to trust myself and to see life in a better way, not to be entirely dependent on persons, to spent carefully and learned that the lesson called life is not that easy to learn :)

for sunday steelings, The Final Week Of 2009 Meme
so yeah, that sums up the happenings for the year thats is gonna die in another 2 days.. and well, people, this is the last post from me for now, as said in tweeter, i am leaving the blogsphere for some months now.. its now time that i put in my extended efforts in my academic life.. there only 3 more months left.. college is gonna be over and i gotta study now.. this place is gonna be a deserted from now, but i hope to come around once in a while.. will miss reading your posts, will miss the blogsphere and all you wonderful people..

enjoy the new year, have fun and have an awersome year ahead.. god bless you all..

love and regards
shravan.

will be available @ quillinginblood@gmail.com if anyone wanna contact :)

ഹാപ്പി ന്യൂ ഇയര്‍

2009-12-28T23:15:00.005+05:30

വായിച്ചുത്തുടങ്ങുന്നതിനു മുന്നേ :

അക്ഷരതെറ്റുകൾ ഉണ്ടാവും, വരമൊഴി എഡിറ്റർ സപ്പോർട്ട്‌ ചെയ്യാത്ത പ്രശ്നം, പിന്നെ മംഗ്ലീഷിൽ ടൈപ്‌ ചെയ്യുന്നു എന്ന പ്രശ്നവും.

മലയാളം അറിയാം എന്നതു കൊണ്ടു മാത്രം എന്തും എഴുതി ഫലിപ്പിക്കാനാവണം എന്നില്ല.. അപ്പൊ മുറി മലയാളം ആയാലോ? അതാണു എന്റെ അവസ്ഥ. അറിയുന്ന പോലെ കുത്തിക്കുറിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ട്‌.. ആദ്യത്തെ ശ്രമമാണ്‌.. തെറ്റുകൾ കാണുമ്പോൾ ഫീൽ ഫ്രീ ടു കറക്റ്റ്‌.[കമ്മന്റ്‌ ബോക്സ്‌ ഓപൺ ആണ്‌..]

നല്ല മലയാളം ബ്ലോഗ്ഗർമാർ തെറി വിളിക്കരുത്‌..[ മുൻകൂർ ജാമ്യം]

***

ആ ബീച്ചിലിരുന്നു തിരമാലകളെണ്ണുമ്പോൾ അയാളുടെ മനസ്സ്‌ കലുഷിതമായിരുന്നു.. ചുറ്റും നടക്കുന്നതൊന്നും തന്നെ ബാധിക്കുന്നില്ലെന്ന മട്ടിലൊരു നിർവ്വികാരത.. മുഷിഞ്ഞ ജീൻസും ഒതുക്കമില്ലാത്ത മുടിയും പാതി കുടിച്ചു തീർത്ത ബീയറിന്റെ കുപ്പിയും, എല്ലാം കൂടി അയാൾക്കൊരു ഭ്രാന്തൻ പരിവേഷം കൈവന്നിരിക്കുന്നു.

ഡിസംബർ 31 രാത്രി.. ബീച്ചിൽ നല്ല തിരക്ക്‌..എല്ലാവരും ചേർന്നു പുതുവർഷപ്പിറവി ആഘോഷിക്കുന്നു.. തന്റെ ചിന്തകളുടെ ചിറകേറി അയാൾ ഏതോ ലോകത്തെക്കെത്തിയിരുന്നു.. അയാളുടെ കണ്ണീൽ നിന്നും 2 തുള്ളി കണ്ണിർ പൊഴിഞ്ഞു വീണു. കഴിഞ്ഞു പോയ കാലത്തെ കുറിച്ചുള്ള ഓർമ്മകൾ അയാളുടെ ചിന്തകളിൽ നിറഞ്ഞു..

"ഇനിയും എഴുതണം"- അച്ഛൻ പറഞ്ഞ വാക്കുകൾ അയാളുടെ ചെവിയിൽ അപ്പോഴും മുഴങ്ങിക്കൊണ്ടേയിരുന്നു. അച്ഛൻ പറഞ്ഞു കൊടുത്ത കഥകളും സ്വപ്നസുന്ദര ലോകവും എല്ലാം അയാളുടെ ഓർമയിൽ മിന്നിമറഞ്ഞു.. പിന്നീടു തറവാട്‌ വിറ്റതും, നാടുവിട്ടൊടിപ്പൊയതും, തിരികെവന്നതും, പിന്നെ പഠിച്ചു ജോലി നേടിയതും,അവിടെ നിന്നു നാടും വീടുമെല്ലാം വിട്ടു വിദേശത്തെ ജോലിക്കു പൊയതും.. എല്ലാം എന്തിനായിരുന്നുവേന്ന് അയാൾ ഓർത്തു..പണം, പണം മാത്രമായിരുന്നു ലക്ഷ്യം.. അതിനു മാത്രമായി ജീവിച്ചു.. പണിയെടുതു.. ഒടുക്കം പണം അയാളുടെ ജീവിതം തകർത്തു..

കൈ നിറയെ പണവും, പ്രൗഡിയും വന്നപ്പോൾ അയാൽ താൻ വന്ന വഴി മറന്നു.. മദ്യത്തിനും പെണ്ണിനും മയക്കുമരുന്നിനും അയാൾ തന്റെ ജീവിതം തന്നെ സമർപ്പിച്ചു.. ഒടുക്കം തന്റെ ഭാര്യ തന്റെ തന്നെ ഓഫീസ്‌ സ്റ്റാഫിന്റെ കൂടെ പൊയപ്പൊഴും ഇപ്പൊഴുള്ള അതെ നിസംഗതയായിരുന്നു അയാളുടെ മുഖത്ത്‌.. പിന്നീട്‌ എല്ലം തിരിച്ചറിഞ്ഞ്‌ തിരുത്തിത്തുടങ്ങിയപ്പൊഴെക്കും സമയം അതിക്രമിച്ചിരുന്നു.. ഉള്ളതെല്ലം വിറ്റു കടം തീർത്തു നാട്ടിലേക്കു മടങ്ങുമ്പോൾ കയ്യിൽ ബാക്കിയായത്‌ ചിതലരിച്ച ഒരു ഭാഗവതവും പിന്നെ കുറച്ചു രൂപയും.

സ്വയം വരുത്തി വെച്ച രോഗവും, കുത്തഴിഞ്ഞ ജീവിതവും അയാളെ സ്വന്തക്കാർക്കുപോലും വേണ്ടാതവനാക്കി.. ഒന്നിനൊടും പരാതിപ്പെടാതെ അയാൾ വീട്ടിൽനിന്നും ഇറങ്ങി നടന്നു.. പിന്നീടു ചായക്കടയുടെ മുകളിലെ ഇരുണ്ട മുറി അയാളുടെ സ്വന്തമായി.. അവിടെ കെട്ടിവെച്ചിരുന്ന പഴയ പുസ്തകക്കെട്ടുകൾ അയാൾക്കു കൂട്ടായി..ഉറക്കത്തിൽ ഞെട്ടിയുണർന്നു പിന്നീടു വീണ്ടും ഉറങ്ങാൻ അരികിൽ വെച്ചിരുന്നു മദ്യക്കുപ്പികൾ അയാൾക്കു തുണയായി..

പല രാത്രികളിലും ദു:സ്വപ്നങ്ങൾ കണ്ടയാൾ ഉണർന്നു.. കുപ്പികൾ എറിഞ്ഞുടച്ചും സ്വയം മുറിവേൽപ്പിച്ചും അയാൾ തന്റെ കോപമടക്കി.." ഇനിയും എഴുതണം" അച്ഛന്റെ വാക്കുകൾ പലപ്പോഴും അയാളുടെ ചിന്തകളെ അസ്വസ്ഥമാക്കി.. സ്വസ്ഥത നഷ്ടപെടുന്ന അവസരങ്ങളിൽ അയാൽക്കു കൂട്ടാവുന്നത്‌ കടലും തിരമാലകളുമൊക്കെയാണ്‌. പല രാത്രികളും അയാൾ ആ കടലൊരത്ത്‌ തനിച്ചിരുന്നു തന്റെ വിഷമങ്ങൾ സ്വയം പറഞ്ഞിട്ടുണ്ട്‌.. സ്വയം ശപിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ട്‌..

അന്നും അങ്ങിനെ ഒരു രാത്രിയായിരുന്നു.. ഉറക്കം ഞെട്ടി എഴുനേറ്റപ്പൊഴൊൾ മനസ്സിൽ അവളുടെ രൂപമായിരുന്നു..പണ്ടെപ്പൊഴൊ അയാളുടെ കൈ പിടിച്ചു ആ കടൽക്കരയിലൂടെ നടന്നു പോയിരുന്ന അവളുടെ രൂപം..പണത്തിനായുള്ള ഓട്ടപ്പാച്ചിലിനിടയിൽ അയാൾ തന്നെ മറന്ന, മറന്നെന്നു സ്വയം വിശ്വസിപ്പിച്ച അവളുടെ രൂപം.. ആ ഓർമയിൽ അയാൾ ആ കടൽത്തീരത്തിരുന്നു.. അവളുടെ ആത്മഹത്യയുടെ വിവരം പണ്ടെങ്ങോ ആരോ വിളിച്ചു പറഞ്ഞതയാളുടെ ഓർമയിലുണ്ടായിരുന്നു.

ഒരു നിമിഷം, അയാൾ തന്റെ ചിന്തകളിൽ നിന്നുണർന്നു.. ആകാശത്തപ്പോൾ വർണ്ണമഴ.. ഹാപ്പി ന്യൂ ഇയർ.. ഹാപ്പി ന്യൂ ഇയർ.. ആരൊക്കെയോ വിളിച്ചു പറയുന്നു.. അരികിലുണ്ടായിരുന്ന മനുഷ്യനോടു അയാൾ പറഞ്ഞു "ഹാപ്പി ന്യൂ ഇയർ".. അവിടെ നിന്നെഴുന്നേറ്റയാൾ പതിയെ തിരമാലകളിൽ തന്റെ കാൽ നനച്ചു.. പിന്നീട്‌ മുന്നോടു നടന്നു.. പിറകിൽ നിന്നും ചിയേർസ്‌ പറയുന്നതും ആഘോഷം നടക്കുന്നതും ഒന്നും അയാളെ പിടിച്ചു നിർത്തിയില്ല.. മുന്നോട്ടു മുന്നോട്ടു നടന്നയാൾ..

കരയിൽ, ഒഴിഞ്ഞ മദ്യക്കുപ്പിക്കരികെ ഒരു തേഞ്ഞ ചെരുപ്പും, മഷി തീരാരായ പേനയും, പിന്നെ കുത്തിക്കുറിച്ചിട്ട ഒരു നോട്ടു പുസ്തകവും.. ആ പുസ്തകതിന്റെ ആദ്യ താളിൽ കുറിച്ചിട്ടിട്ടുണ്ടായിരുന്നു, "ഒരു പുതിയ തുടക്കം" എന്ന്.. അപ്പൊഴേക്കും ആ തട്ടുമ്പുറതിരിക്കുന്ന ഭാഗവതം ചിതലുകൾക്കാഹാരമായിരുന്നു.. അതൊടൊപ്പം, അതിലുണ്ടായിരുന്ന ആ പഴയ നാലുവരി കവിതയും, അച്ഛന്റെ എഴുതും..

Beautiful Black

2009-12-27T22:06:00.004+05:30

as your lip seals mine and

as you whisper to my ears

the wise words of prayers,

my soul cleaves my body

and there, they dance

my soul, twinned to yours !

death they call you by name,

but for me, you are the savior

lead me to the paths of karma

away from this carnal desires

to the next incarnated life

where life is to get stained again.

PS : read Sindhu Bhairavi's Beautiful Black ! Original idea for this post is from that wonderful piece of written work !

PPS : title shamelessly copied from the real author !

PPPS : don't forget to check the previous update.. am in a good mood to go on penning down :)

Sleep

2009-12-27T19:12:00.002+05:30

let me just wander in thoughts
wake me up not to reality
let me not face the cruel world
better is the land in my dreams

do not bother showing me who you are
let me just think, you are for real
and so be your love care and everything
let me sleep dreaming and wake me up not.

Philosophically Yours

2009-12-26T22:40:00.002+05:30

in life, you might feel down and lost, low and afraid, but just dont give up, there is always a way out.when you come across someone one so, give them a moment or two from your life.. and thats the best you can do for them.. spread the joy.. live for a cause and let that cause be happiness :)

it's always better to see a smiling face than a thousand emotionless faces ! life is tough, it gotta be, but face it with a smile.. in the end, its your life, and the LIFE is so judicial :)

A Moment's Thought

2009-12-26T01:00:00.006+05:30

by the backyard lane i walk

in search of light, despite cold

i see, in the moon light,

shadows walk dance and stumble..

as i listen to the whisperings

of my own heart, of the days past

i see,going past by me, in dark

the shadows of memories, lost

ten feets up and there is light

as in joy, i scream and run

i see no shadows, as i traipse ahead

the pathway of life, materialistic

fake,bogus and pathetic the life

but bound by chains to live,

and then, in just a moment's thought

i quit, and leave to my master's home.

Moments

2009-12-25T21:22:00.005+05:30

many in life, for occasions,

of joy,success and even tears

and then, so sudden, so painless

comes the very moment

that you waited from the begin,

that takes you away and far

to the heavenly abode,

where He waits to welcome

P S : from the so called mobile device, for the first time...

Remembering My Chirstmas Holidays

2009-12-24T19:35:00.002+05:30

Christmas season has always been my favourite season.. not just the holidays but the reunion with my joint family.. that’s how it used to be till 3 years past, that’s exactly before we settled here.. having your mom and dad employed is good to have your family going well, settled financially and secured, and a small happy family.. but on the other hand, staying away from the FAMILY is bitter lose.. that’s how it used to be for me.. staying at a different place with mom and dad and bro, yet missing out all the fun.. Christmas and new year breaks were the only relief.. packing the bags and travel to the home town.. fun with aunts, cousins and granma..

Being the big brother is always the fun part of life, you can command, you can decide and you can rule.. and that was fun.. loved being with all my cousins, and being the elder kid, I always enjoyed the advantage of having the final word deciding the food for the days.. I got one best taste glands and wow.. its soo functional when I have to taste sweets.. so yeah, that was all the fun part.

Now that things have changed and everyone has their own family.. and the joint family part is history though all of us claim to live together for atleast that day.. but guess what? Everyone has their on priorities and damn that does make life good, my LIFE worse.. image to be shut up in a room of four walls and provided with all necessities, that’s how exactly I feel living right now.. I have everyone around me, every single cousin and relatives, but somehow the integrity has lost…

School days too were good during the christmas days.. the break and exchanging cards gifts and even short notes, that was fun.. missing friend was tough.. but yeah things change, and with years going by, the way you celebrate too changes.. college is all about booze and smoke and the cakes and the winter break and then the trip that follows and ofcourse the celebration on the last working day, school life was sweet.. and chirstmas break in the end do bring tears to my ends.. yeah yeah, not now, but in the earlier ages, coming home, to the real HOME, living with the joint family and then leaving on a Sunday evening by train, it does bring tears.. the train then used to have the melancholy and sad melodic tune then.. watching the hills and the fields with wet eyes in the trains, that will never be forgotten.. and then reaching home, there comes this feeling that can never be explained.. the vaccum then felt, its so killing.. having all fun, shouting yelling and playing with all kids and suddenly coming back to the same four walls of your house, that doesn’t feel so good.. and then in two days, school reopens and things are back to normal again.. and that’s the next round then.. school reopening is equal to receiving the answer sheets of the chirstmas season exams.. being proud of the scores, comparing with friends, nagging and crying at the teacher for an additional half mark, it was all fun :-)

Ermm.. now that’s enough of random ramblings here for now.. cutting short,

Wishing you all a merry chirstmas..

live long, live happily.. for those who stay away from family, do find time to be with your family, in the end it does feel good..

PS : randomly scribbled and not in order of events... random focus on the life lived till now.

കണ്ണുനീര്‍

2009-12-22T22:13:00.002+05:30

കവിള്‍തടത്തിലൂടെ കണ്ണുനീര്‍ ചാലിടൂമ്പോഴും

നിന്‍ ചുണ്ടിലെ പുഞ്ചിരിക്കു മഴവില്ലിനഴക്‌

The Story Of A Psychopathic Lover

2009-12-21T10:11:00.001+05:30

On a rainy night, she walked into that partially lit room where he stood waiting...To the wide open hands of him , she fell. Later,like the darkness, her scream of joy spread around the room.

The next morning, there he lied,on the floor, hugging the corpse,and bloody note reading," she's mine forever".

P S : counting the words, this one falls to the genre of 55f's :D

Autograph

2009-12-14T21:20:00.003+05:30

Three years of being together, sharing everything joys,sorrow,and dreams,life was heaven.As they stepped out of the institution with wet eyes on the last day, he walked towards her with the book held out.she rejected saying "i wont write in the book written by those who want to get parted away"

just attempting yet another 55f, not sticking to the rules of 55f's, if any ! writing it in the way i like it..share your thoughts, much appreciated !

Was Today Necessary?

2009-12-13T23:28:00.006+05:30

lost smiles

wet eyes

forgotten dreams

soulless body

purposeless life

was today necessary?

an unexpected turn

and a ray of hope

a new world

a new life

will there be a tomorrow?

the best way to live life is to live for the moment, but learn from that moment and carry on.. life is not just about the momentary joy, sorrow, success and failure.. its more about living it, as it comes to you.. have no fear, face life and you shall be the one who tames life.. not just adapt to your life's situations, but learn and evolve, and live the way you like it :) spread the joy ;) :Tone

Shoe Flower

2009-12-12T08:03:00.004+05:30

[click image to enlarge]

nature has its own ways to create visual treats.. and look at this flower in a mixture of colours.. that one comes from the breed of shoeflower and lol.. was surpd to see that multicolour flower :) so no wonder why the pic is here..it looked pleasing to my cam's eyes ;)

PS : the cycle of my life is swinging back ot the good old days.. good things coming by and good things staying.. am too busy living my life, and enjoying it, no wonder why i have nothing great to write here :)

PPS : There is no easy job than letting go of people in life.. often human minds fail to know its never easy to earn back what is lost,nor do they know what it takes to earn back things, a little greater share of themselves.. i am happy about the persons i let go, and more happy about the persons who chose to stay :)

Blog Anniversary

2009-12-08T07:24:00.004+05:30

yeah.. thats true.. me blogging for 2 years :) dec 8th 2007 was the date when i first posted something as a blog post and today, thats 2 years of blog living.. and am so so so glad to have lived here, and so glad that am still here.. and let me take this chance to say thank you for all those who came and read all scribblings i made, for all comments, for all support and for all the love :) and there is one thing that adds to my joy, the motive of my blogging hasnt changed even now.. with days passing by people learn, adapt and evolve, the way you write and respond to things ought to change, but when it comes to blogging, i prefer it to be the way i wanted from the day 1.. its a place for me to pen down my thoughts firstly and with this in mind that, i am no talented person, am glad to have penned so many posts in here.. and i hope i stay the same way :)

thank you so much for all the support and for comments and for following me, and for not keeping any hopes on me.. am just a penpusher and not a talented one :P

so come now lets :party

oh btw, you might want to check the prev post if you haven't read and if yor are interested to see ;)

Damn ! Another Tag,Erm.. No ! Tags !

2009-12-07T19:37:00.000+05:30

ok.. this is coz she threatened me.. said she will cut down my lenghty hair.. cant afford that ! so yep, its better i do it.. yup, Lopa tagged me to do this, and this one comes with an award and a rule :( i hate rules.. so ohk.. she is asking me to write 7 things about me, unknown to you.. but well, my blog is an open book and its an exact replica of my life.. i wonder if there are things unknown to its readers.. anyways, let me do it.. or else my hardwork of an year.. :-(

so following the rules, and seven things about me, unknown to you

1.right now, i am so happy about the life i live, its very judicial though not good.. there were days when i thought of not living the next day, but now, yup ! am on for it!

2. cycling was my fav hobby till i met with the so called accident, broke my knee and ever since that, i have lost my stamina to ride and play !

3.i am an extremist when it comes to relations, and for me, my family is my family, me bro mom and dad, but yup, i want all the other relationships close !

4. i demand attention ! when i talk, chat, lecture, anything.. i demand complete attention ! i hate slow replies in chat windows and i hate umm.. aa.. hmm.. ermm... aww... stuffs during fone calls !

5. there were days when friendship meant life, but now things have changed and so have i, prioritized things, persons and places in life !

6. the no. of relationships i have been in, ever since i entered into my teens is 5, leaving apart the momentary crushes and random affairs.. and right now, i think, i am done with relationships and happy about the present 1. of the 5 relationships, 4 still call,text and chat !

7. i love travelling.. i love travelling.. and i love everything related to travelling.. taking photos,sleeping at the bus stand, road side tea, old jeans and i prefer to travel in a group of same minds :)

ok.. now lets pass the award.. now thats tricky.. lemme search my blog roll for 7 members..

1. Chocolate Lover
2. Eternal Thinker
3. Divsi
4. Amal Bose
5.Nikhil
6.Hasna
7. Anyone who wanna do it, and get an award for doing it :P

Tag 2:
this tag was done by amal way back in october, again, this comes with two awards.. amal, sorry for taking my time, nearly forgot about it !

1.What is your current obsession?
mafia wars in FB, physics notebook

2. What are you wearing today?
Black Jeans n shirt

3. What’s for dinner?
rice !

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
recharge coupons for docomo,airtel,aircel,idea and bsnl 

5. What are you listening to right now?
bryan adams- free.. is all you gotta bee..

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
amal, he is talent !

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Kannur, kerala, near the beach

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
bald head – love shaving my head in summer 

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Bangalore !

10. Which language do you want to learn?
French!

11. What’s your favourite quote?
no fav quotes.. depends on occasion :)

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
My Twin

13. What is your favourite colour?
Black , blue and read

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?
black casual and black fill shirt 

15. What is your dream job?
any job that would pay me well, that would let me have some free time and one that would let me have leisure time to travel

16. What’s your favourite magazine?
__________

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
save it for my new cam..

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
criss-crossed strips and textured shirts

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
Hmm.. M S Dhoni

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
Long

21. What are you going to do after this?
take bath, learn physics !

22. What are your favorite movies?
liked perfume, 2012, a Wednesday, aamir.. not a movie buff !
23.How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
blogger dash board, blogs, gmail, facebook.. so 5 tabs..
24. What inspires you?
erm.. almost nothing!

25. Give us three styling tips that always work for you:
be confident.
Be the real you
Own a smile

26. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
ehehe.. random pick !

27. Coffee or tea?
Coffee for ever

28. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
may be, I will go to the beach side, or walk for long, calm myself, make calls..

30. Which other blogs do you love visiting?
check my blog list !

31. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
pal paayasam

32. Favorite Season?
winter/rainy as of now.. it was autumn earlier

33. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
hmm.. coffee.. that’s all !

34. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
ignore them, warn them, punch them.. at three stages only k?

35. What are you afraid of the most?
heights and darkess

36:What brings a smile on your face instantly?
many things..

37:My Questinon: What is the first thing you do once uve booted ur system?
load g talk and Y! m, chrome and IE

Rules for those who are tagged:
Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.

I would love to pass on the tag and award to :
Leo
Stephen
Shriti
Nyx
Hasna
Sindhubhairavi
Pulkit
Mahesh
Lopa
Rahul.

Of ...

2009-12-07T18:37:00.003+05:30

of loneliness, of life, of losing hope, of failure, of death and of the final hope.

Through the crowded roads
I walk alone, the path forward
Aside, ahead and behind, are you
And you, seem not to notice

Life, often like that,
So many, near, yet far
A mystery, to solve,
Yet, a fun ride to have.

No worries, no constrains
Dark, the way ahead,
I walk, starless night
No lights of hope, I see

Of life, no complaints do I have
Of you, no hopes do I own
You for you, and me for me,
And in the end, grey ash.

Haunted, the past lost
Close to heart, kept,
The memories, of Life
In dreams, the future ahead !

PS : meaningless, but felt like writing this down.. come on, its my place to pen down what i feel and call it what i like !

Eternal Love

2009-12-06T21:16:00.003+05:30

for years i have searched endless,

for a love that stays for long,

from one who i can blindly trust,

who loves me in countless ways.

i have searched for one with grace,

with a character that conveys,

that kindness and courage are in place,

together with strength to hold me close.

i have spent sleepless nights,

in thoughts, of one, who would come,

of one, who would come and stay,

together with love, that never betrays.

as years left with no hope, and

having found you now, i wonder,

if you will end up, as one who leaves,

breaking my heart, but i wish not.

i pray, you be that loving soul

that stays by me, thoughout my days,

regardless of my hair that grew grey,

in search of you, and your love.

so yup, thats it.. am back at the graveyard.. so glad to have the guest post series ended in a nice way and thanks for all the guests authors for the sincere work they put in here and now, this place is back to the boring stuffs, me and my life.. and my random thoughts.. but up, the frequence is gonna be less !~~for those who didnt understand, i just had a 100 post celebration here.. "Twilight" by my twin was the 100th one :-)~~

PS : ~~am gonna be busy with studies~~ :P ( :D :D )

PPS:this so called poetic try goes as a dedication to my girl S for winning the dance comp and coming first, for Geetz, for the motivation and words of support, and for Slow Processor, for making me burn my brains !

PPPS: belated happy birthday to the girl who is back to my life, ~~the so called best friends, but as her, i have lost my faith in the word, best !~~

suggested reading : A Silent Love Story

Dreams

2009-12-05T22:11:00.000+05:30

as short as that rainbow,

my dreams, short lived,

a smile, one brought and

the other, a drop of tear

Frame Of Reference

2009-12-05T20:13:00.001+05:30

Wish you the very best of all the lucks in your ventures, dear friend Shravan!
Thanks for the uber special invitation on the guest post :D
You've made the 100-posts celebrations so warm.. And so far, this 101^th post seems to be the official winding up, eh? :)

Keep smiling! Keep living! Keep enjoying the party that's your life! :party

et with love :ET

...Twilight...

2009-12-03T07:11:00.003+05:30

The sun has long set

Upon my life;

It’s twilight-

Dark, still, silent,

With shadows rife.

Dusk creeps up from behind,

And pounces on the daylight-

Mauls it in the fatal fight,

Leaves it bleeding in the sky.

A silent predator,

Slow and steady,

Sure and sly,

Unseeing and unerring;

Though drunk with youth’s wine,

Hardly did I realise

That just behind the sunshine,

Lurked the murky foe,

Biding his time.

Sombre hues have invaded

My palette that once

Was a riot of colours;

Withered have my flowers,

And the fragrance faded.

The songs have stopped,

I only hear the sands

Fast trickling down

My life’s hourglass.

Oh! It strikes me hard

That my spring is past,

And my winter come;

My thoughts harp

On the night that

Looms ahead sharp,

And the nightmare beyond....

But wait, I suddenly hear

A voice cry out

From deep within:

Despair not so fast!

A night awaits, it’s true,

But lies a morn too

Beyond the gloom.

The darkest hour of midnight past,

Arrives the bright dawn;

And wake up I shall

In that morn, in the

Land of Sleepless Sunshine

That will forever last.

Dearest Shravan,

Do I have to say the words? I know you know.... :)

Tons of love, congrats, best wishes and prayers,
Your twin

ദ ഗിറ്റാറിസ്റ്റ്.

2009-12-01T11:25:00.011+05:30

വിരലുകള്‍ അനിയന്ത്രിതമായി എങ്ങോട്ടെന്നില്ലാതെ ചലിക്കുന്നു. അഴുക്കുപുരണ്ട പഴയ ഗിറ്റാറില്‍ നിന്നുമുതിരുന്നതെന്തായാലും അവയ്ക്കൊന്നും ശ്രുതിയും താളവുമുണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല. പുറത്ത് ശൈത്യം അപര്‍ണങ്ങളാക്കിത്തീര്‍‌ത്ത മരച്ചില്ലകളില്‍ ക്രിസ്തുമസ് ദീപങ്ങള്‍ കണ്ണു ചിമ്മുന്നത് മുറിക്കകത്തിരുന്നും വ്യകതമായി കാണാം. ഡിസംബറിലെ മഞ്ഞുവീഴ്ചകളില്‍ ക്രിസ്തുമസിന്റേതു മാത്രമായ ഒരു തോറ്റലുണ്ട്. കുട്ടിക്കാലത്തെപ്പോഴോ വായിച്ച റഷ്യന്‍ നാടോടിക്കഥകളിലെ അലോഷ്ക്യയെയും നികിതയേയും വ്ലാഡിമിറിനെയും പോലെ മഞ്ഞുമനുഷ്യനെ തീര്‍ത്തും മഞ്ഞുകട്ടകള്‍ കൊണ്ട് യുദ്ധം ചെയ്തും കുമ്മായം പൂശിയ മരങ്ങള്‍ക്കിടയിലൂടെ സ്ലെഡ്ജില്‍ കാറ്റിനെ തോല്പ്പിക്കുന്ന വേഗതയില്‍ ഊളിയിട്ടിറങ്ങുതും സ്വപനങ്ങളായി എന്നും കൊണ്ടു നടന്നിരുന്നു. മഞ്ഞുവീഴുന്ന ക്രിസ്തുമസ് കാലങ്ങളോടുള്ള അടങ്ങാത്ത അഭിനിവേശമാണെന്ന് തോന്നുന്നു തന്നെ ഈ പ്രദേശത്ത് കൊണ്ടു ചെന്നെത്തിച്ചത്. വിശപ്പാണ്, എന്നും. എങ്കിലും പരിഭവങ്ങളില്ല. സ്വപ്നരാജ്യത്ത് തന്നെ കാത്തിരിക്കുന്നത് സ്വര്‍ഗജീവിതമൊന്നുമല്ലെന്ന് നേരത്തെ തന്നെ അറിയാമായിരുന്നു. അനുവിനേയും അമലിനേയും കുറിച്ചോര്‍ത്ത് വിഷമമില്ലെന്നല്ല.

ഓവനില്‍ നിന്നും ദാല്‍ വേവുന്ന മണം മൂക്കിനകത്തേക്കു ഇരച്ചു കയറുന്നു. തിരക്കിനിടയിലും അനു ഇടക്കിടെ എത്തി നോക്കുന്നുണ്ടായിരുന്നു.

"എന്താ ഭാവം?" ക്ഷമ നശിച്ച്‌ ഒടുവില്‍ അവള്‍ മൗനം ഭഞ്ജിച്ചു. ഞാനാകട്ടെ ഗിറ്റാറിന്റെ തന്ത്രികള്‍ വെറുതെ വിരലുകള്‍ ചലിപ്പിക്കുന്നത് തുടരുക മാത്രം ചെയ്തു.

"ഉള്ളി അരിയാന്‍ പോലും ഇങ്ങോട്ടു തിരിഞ്ഞു നോക്കാത്തവര്‍, ദാലും റോട്ടിയും കഴിക്കാന്‍ ഇങ്ങോട്ടു വരണം എന്നില്ല"അനു ഉറക്കെ വിളിച്ചു പറഞ്ഞത് ഞാന്‍ കേട്ടില്ലെന്നു നടിച്ചു. എത്ര പട്ടിണിയാണെങ്കിലും എന്തൊക്കെ ദുരിതങ്ങള്‍ക്കിടയിലാണെങ്കിലും അവളുടെ ശബ്ദത്തില്‍ ഒരിക്കലും ദുഃഖത്തിന്റെ നിഴലിപ്പ് ഉണ്ടാവാറില്ല.
അനു ഗ്രോസറി ഷോപ്പില്‍ ജോലി ചെയ്തു കിട്ടുന്ന ചുരുങ്ങിയ തുക കൊണ്ട് ഒരു ക്രിസ്തുമസ് കാലം കഴിക്കേണ്ടതുണ്ട്. നിറം മങ്ങിയ ഈ ഗിറ്റാറു കൊണ്ട് പ്രത്യേകിച്ച് പ്രയോജനമൊന്നുമില്ല. തിരക്കേറിയ പാതയോരങ്ങളില്‍ ഗിറ്റാര്‍ വായിച്ചു നേടിയിരുന്ന നാണയത്തുട്ടുകള്‍ ഒന്നിനും തികയില്ലെന്ന് മനസിലായപ്പോഴാണ് നഗരവീഥികള്‍ ഉപേക്ഷിച്ച് ടൂറിസ്റ്റുകള്‍ കൂട്ടത്തോടെ വരാറുള്ള സ്ഥലങ്ങളിലേക്ക് തന്റെ തൊഴിലിടത്തെ മാറ്റാമെന്ന് തോന്നിയത്. ഏതോ ശപിക്കപ്പെട്ട നിമിഷത്തിലെടുത്തതാവണം അത്തരമൊരു തീരുമാനം. ഇരുപത്തിയഞ്ചോളം രാജ്യങ്ങളുടെ ദേശീയഗാനങ്ങള്‍ മനഃപാഠമാക്കി. അതൊരെളുപ്പവഴിയായിരുന്നു. പല രാജ്യത്ത് നിന്നും വിനോദയാത്രക്കെത്തിയ സംഘങ്ങള്‍. അവരുടെ കൈയില്‍ നിന്നും ഗിറ്റാറിന്റെ തുറന്ന് വെച്ച കവറിനകത്തേക്ക് നോട്ടുകള്‍ വീഴുവാനെളുപ്പമാണ്. ഒറ്റ നോട്ടത്തില്‍ ഏത് രാജ്യക്കാരാണെന്ന് തിരിച്ചറിയാന്‍ തനിക്ക് സാധിക്കുമായിരുന്നു. ഗിറ്റാറിന്റെ പതിഞ്ഞ താളത്തിന്റെ അകമ്പടിയോടെ അവരുടെ ദേശീയഗാനമാലപിക്കേണ്ട താമസമേയുള്ളൂ നാണയത്തുട്ടുകളും പച്ചനോട്ടുകളും കൊണ്ട് ഗിറ്റാറിന്റെ ബോക്സ് നിറയുവാന്‍.

“Allons enfants de la Patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé !
Contre nous de la tyrannie,
L'étendard sanglant est levé,“

അതല്ലെങ്കില്‍

“Fratelli d'Italia,l'Italia s'è desta,dell'elmo di Scipio
s'è cinta la testa.
Dov'è la Vittoria?
Le porga la chioma,
ché schiava di Roma
Iddio la creò.“
“ഷര്‍ട്ടെപ്പളാ വാങ്ങാ അച്ഛാ?

അമലിന്റെ ശബ്ദമാണ് ചിന്തകളില്‍ നിന്നും ഉണര്‍ത്തിയത്. ഈ ക്രിസ്തുമസിന് എന്തായാലും അവനൊരു ജോടി പുതിയ വസ്ത്രം വാങ്ങിക്കൊടുക്കാമെന്ന് വാക്കു കൊടുത്തിരുന്നതാണ്. അവസാനം ഇങ്ങനെയായിത്തീരുമെന്നാരറിഞ്ഞു? അന്ന് ടൂറിസ്റ്റുകള്‍ക്കിടയില്‍ ചിലരെ തിരിച്ചറിഞ്ഞു - തന്റെ സ്വന്തം നാട്ടുകാര്‍. എന്നത്തേയും പോലെ അവര്‍ക്ക് വേണ്ടി സ്വന്തം നാടിന്റെ ദേശീയഗാനമാലപിച്ചു. എല്ലാ ഭക്തിയോടും ബഹുമാനത്തോടും കൂടിത്തന്നെ. എങ്കിലും ചെന്നവസാനിച്ചത് കൌണ്‍സിലറുടെ മുന്‍പില്‍ ഒരു പരാതിയായിട്ടാണ്. താന്‍ ദേശീയഗാനത്തെ അപമാനിച്ചത്രെ! തെരുവോരങ്ങളില്‍ പാടി നടക്കാന്‍ ഉള്ളതല്ല നാടിന്റെ ദേശീയഗാനമെന്ന് അവര്‍ പരാതി കൊടുത്തു. ഇനിയൊരിക്കലും ദേശിയഗാ‍നം പാടില്ലെന്ന് എഴുതിക്കൊടുത്ത് പിന്‍‌വാങ്ങാന്‍ താന്‍ തയ്യാറായിരുന്നു. എങ്കിലും ഇനിയൊരിക്കലും തെരുവോരങ്ങളില്‍ ഒരു പാട്ടും പാടരുതെന്ന് കര്‍ശനമായ താക്കീതാണ് ലഭിച്ചത്. ഒരു കുടുംബത്തിന്റെ ജീവിതം വഴിമുട്ടിയെങ്കിലും ഒരു ദേശത്തിന്റെ അഭിമാനം സംരക്ഷിക്കപ്പെട്ടല്ലോ.

“വാങ്ങാമെടാ. നീ സമാധാനപ്പെട്”

അവന്റെ മുഖത്ത് നിരാശയുടെ ചെറിയൊരു നിഴലാട്ടമുണ്ടോ? ഇത്തവണയും അവന്റെ ആഗ്രഹം നടക്കില്ലെന്ന് അവനിപ്പോഴേ മനസിലാക്കിയോ?

“ഒരു കദ പറഞ്ഞ് തരോ അച്ഛാ?”

“പിന്നെന്താ ഏത് കഥയാ മോന് കേക്കണ്ടത്?”

കുഞ്ഞിക്കണ്ണുകള്‍ ചിമ്മിക്കൊണ്ട് അത്യതികം കൌതുകത്തോടെ അവന്‍ കഥ കേട്ടിരിക്കുന്നത് കണ്ടിരിക്കാന്‍ തന്നെ എന്തൊരു രസമാണ്.

“തമ്പോലീനയുടെ കഥ മതിയോ? അതോ ബ്ലാക് ബ്യൂട്ടിയുടേതായാലോ? അല്ലെങ്കില്‍ സ്നോവൈറ്റിന്റെ കഥ പറഞ്ഞു തരാം അച്ഛന്‍”

“അതൊക്കെ എനിക്കറിയാ‍ം അച്ഛാ.... പുതിയ കദ മതി....”

“എങ്കില്‍ അച്ഛന്‍ പുതൊയൊരു കദ പറഞ്ഞ് തരാം... ഒരിടത്തൊരിടത്ത് ഒത്തിരി വയസായ ഒരപ്പൂപ്പനും അമ്മൂമ്മയും ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു. അവര്‍ക്ക് കുട്ടികളുണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല. എന്തൊരു സങ്കടമായിരുന്നെന്നോ അപ്പൂപ്പനും അമ്മൂമ്മക്കും കുഞ്ഞുങ്ങളില്ലാത്തതില്‍”

“ഉം”

“അങ്ങനെ ഗ്രമത്തിലെ വിളവെടുപ്പൊക്കെ കഴിഞ്ഞ് ഗ്രാമത്തില്‍ വലിയ സദ്യ നടക്കുന്ന ദിവസം. അപ്പൂപ്പനും അമ്മൂമ്മയും പുറത്തിറങ്ങി നോക്കിയപ്പോള്‍ എന്താ കാണുന്നേ? പുറത്ത് മറ്റുള്ള വീടുകളിലെ കുട്ടികളിരുന്ന് കളിക്കുകയാണ്; ഒച്ചയും ബഹളവും ആര്‍പ്പുവിളികളും ഒക്കെയായിട്ട്. ചിലര്‍ മഞ്ഞുമനുഷ്യനെ ഉണ്ടാക്കുന്നു, വേറെ ചിലര്‍ മഞ്ഞ് വാരിയെറിഞ്ഞു കളിക്കുന്നു...”

“ഉം”

“ അപ്പൂപ്പനും അമ്മൂമ്മയ്ക്കും വലിയ സങ്കടമായി. അപ്പൂപ്പന്‍ ഒരു വലിയ മഞ്ഞുരുള ഉണ്ടാക്കി അമ്മൂമ്മയെ കാണിച്ചിട്ട് പറേവാ - ‘ഇതു പോലെ വെളുത്തുരുണ്ട സുന്ദരിയായ ഒരു മോളു നമ്മള്‍ക്കുണ്ടായിരുന്നെങ്കില്‍!’. അമ്മൂമ്മയ്ക്ക് സങ്കടം കൊണ്ട് കണ്ണൊക്കെ നിറയാന്‍ തുടങ്ങി”

കുഞ്ഞുമിഴികളിലെ കോണുകളിലും നനവ് പടരുന്നതെനിക്ക് കാണാമായിരുന്നു.

“അമ്മൂമ്മ പറഞ്ഞു - ‘നമുക്കതിനു കുഞ്ഞുങ്ങളില്ലല്ലോ, ഇനിയൊട്ടുണ്ടാവാ‍നും പോവുന്നില്ല’. അപ്പൂപ്പന്‍ എന്ത് ചെയ്തെന്നറിയോ? അ മഞ്ഞുരുള കുടിലിനകത്തേക്ക് കൊണ്ട് പോയി ഒരു വലിയ കുടത്തിനകത്ത് ഭദ്രമായി അടച്ചു വെച്ചു. എന്നിട്ടാ കുടമോ, ജനല്‍‌പ്പടിയിലങ്ങ് കൊണ്ടുവച്ചു. എന്നിട്ട് രണ്ട് പേരും ഉറങ്ങാന്‍ പോയി”

“രാവിലെ ശൂര്യനുദിച്ചപ്പോ എന്താണ്ടായന്നറിയോ”

“ഉം ഉം”

“സൂര്യന്റെ ചൂട് കൊണ്ടിട്ട് കുടത്തിനകത്തെ മഞ്ഞ് പതുക്കെയങ്ങനെ ഉരുകാന്‍ തുടങ്ങി. അപ്പൂപ്പനും അമ്മൂമ്മയും ഉറങ്ങുവാരുന്നു. പെട്ടെന്ന് അവരു ഒരു ശബ്ദം കേട്ടു. ഭും”

ഭയം കൊണ്ട് അവന്‍ കണ്ണുകള്‍ ചിമ്മിയടച്ചു.

“അപ്പൂപ്പനും അമ്മൂമ്മയും ചെന്ന് നോക്കിയപ്പോള്‍ എന്താ കഥ! കുടത്തിന്റെ അകത്ത് ഒരു കുഞ്ഞുവാവ!

അത്ഭുതം.

“നല്ല മഞ്ഞു പോലെ വെളുത്ത ഒരു ചുന്ദരിക്കുട്ടി. അത്ഭുതപ്പെട് വായും പൊളിച്ചിരിക്കുന്ന അപ്പൂപ്പനോടും അമ്മൂമ്മയോടും കുഞ്ഞുവാവ സംസാരിക്കാന്‍ തുടങ്ങി. ‘ ഞാനാണല്ലോ ലിറ്റില്‍ സ്നോഗേള്‍. വസന്തത്തിലെ മഞ്ഞുരുണ്ടായതല്ലോ ഞാന്‍. വസന്തസൂര്യന്റെ ചൂടേറ്റു വളര്‍ന്നതല്ലോ ഞാന്‍‘... “

അവന്റെ മിഴികള്‍ പതുക്കെ അടഞ്ഞു തുടങ്ങിയിരുന്നു.

“അമ്മൂമ്മയും അപ്പൂപ്പനും കുഞ്ഞുവാവയെ പൊന്നുപോലെ നോക്കി. പകല്‍നേരത്ത് അപ്പൂപ്പന്‍ അവളെ കാടും നാ‍ടും ചുറ്റിക്കാണിക്കാന്‍ കൊണ്ടുപോയി... രാത്രിയില്‍ അമ്മൂമ്മ അവളെ താരാട്ട് പാടിയുറക്കി..”

അമല്‍ പൂര്‍ണമായും ഉറക്കത്തിലേക്ക് വീണു.

“പാവം വൈകീട്ട് മുതല്‍ നിങ്ങള്‍ ഷര്‍ട്ടുമായി വരുന്നത് നോക്കിയിരിക്കുകയായിരുന്നു.” ദാലും റോട്ടിയുമായി അനു എത്തി.

“ഒടുവില്‍ സാന്താക്ലോസ് കൊണ്ടുത്തരുമെന്ന് പറഞ്ഞാണ് സമാധാനിപ്പിച്ചത്. ഇന്നു രാത്രി സാന്താക്ലോസ് വരുമെന്നും ഓര്‍ത്തു സമാധാനപ്പെട്ടു.”

നെടുവീര്‍പ്പില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ ഒന്നും മറുപടീയായി നല്‍കുവാനുണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല.

“ഏത് നിമിഷവും നമുക്കിവിടം വിടേണ്ടിവരുമെന്ന് തോന്നുന്നു അനു. ഗവണ്മെന്റിന്റെ മുന്നില്‍പ്പോലും ഞാനൊരു കുറ്റവാളിയാണ്. ഇനിയൊരിക്കലും ഈ നഗരത്തില്‍ എനിക്കെന്റെ ഗിറ്റാര്‍ വായിക്കാന്‍ കഴിയുമെന്ന് തോന്നുന്നില്ല.

ക്രിസ്തുമസ് കരോളുകാര്‍ വരുമെന്നറിയാവുന്നത് കൊണ്ട് വിളക്കുകള്‍ നേരത്തെയണച്ചു. കൊടുക്കുവാനില്ലൊന്നും. അലച്ചിലിന്റെ ക്ഷീണവുമായി കിടന്നിതാനാലാവണം കണ്ണുകള്‍ പെട്ടെന്നടഞ്ഞു പോയി. സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്‍ റെയിന്‍ഡിയറുകളും സ്ലെഡ്ജും ചുവന്ന വസ്ത്രം ധരിച്ചൊരു വൃദ്ധനുമായിരുന്നു. ആര്‍ക്കറിയാം നാളെ അമലിന്റെ ക്രിസ്തുമസ് സ്റ്റോക്കിങ്ങ്സിനുള്ളില്‍ അവനാഗ്രഹിച്ച സമ്മാനം അവനെ കാത്തിരിക്കുന്നില്ലെന്ന്?

ഡിസ്‌ക്ലൈമര്‍:- കഥയും കഥാപാത്രങ്ങളും കഥ നടക്കുന്ന രാജ്യവും സ്ഥലവുമെല്ലാം സാങ്കല്പികം. മലയാളത്തിലെഴുതുന്നത് കൊണ്ട് കഥാപാത്രങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് ഇന്ത്യന്‍ പേരുകള്‍ നല്‍കിയെന്ന് മാത്രം.

Image: Pablo Picasso യുടെ പ്രശസ്തമായ Guitarist എന്ന പെയിന്റിംഗ്. ഷിക്കാഗോ ആര്‍ട് മ്യൂസിയത്തില്‍ വെച്ച് എടുത്തത്.

To Shravan,

Thanks for this wonderful opportunity! Great going man. Happy blogging!

Advanced X'Mas wishes for all the readers here.

Love,
cALviN::കാല്‍‌വിന്‍

Shravan RN's

Asking Questions To Self

Hurt

The Year That Just Went By

The Whys & Whats Of My Blog

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The Visitor

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Love

Where Words Wont Be Enough

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He Kissed Her Away

Questions that he doesn't have Answers

His Life

Pain

Her Life

why did i quit?

Trying the Untried

Love

from the far, as my eyes catch a view of her,the heart skips a beat or two, and thenshe passes by, ignorance, in her walk,breaking apart the tender heart of mine

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It Was Never The Same

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Let's Simplify

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TASC - Where I Studied !

Another Phase

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from the far, as my eyes catch a view of her,
the heart skips a beat or two, and then
she passes by, ignorance, in her walk,
breaking apart the tender heart of mine